My Whimsical Journey

Do you ever look back on your life and think about all the ways the Lord has blessed you and loved you in whimsical ways? Every birthday I try to take some time to just simply reflect and praise the Lord. This last Thursday I turned 21...ummm excuse me, what? It was just yesterday I was picking out my Arthur backpack and my Lisa Frank lunchbox for my first day of school and hugging my cat Wanda (...yes, Wanda was a male) goodbye as I jumped in the car headed for Kindergarten. Through the years the Lord has become my best friend who has loved me unconditionally and has loved me in such a beautiful and whimsical way. Here's a glimpse at that journey.

I was blessed to be able to grow up with amazing parents. Even though I did not know Jesus at this point, I knew Jesus through my parents who demonstrated His unconditional love for me since the day I was born. Bless them... they put up with a daughter that probably changed at least 6 times a day. Pretty sure with three older brothers and these incredible parents I probably never had to walk as a toddler. 

Not only was it this over eager beaver's first day of school, but the year when she made the best decision of her life, hands down. I was so blessed to be able to grow up in church and get to hear about Jesus since I was a baby. While rebelling against a nap (oh those glorious days) in Kindergarten, I remember my teacher mentioning if we ever wanted to know more about Jesus or decide to give Him our lives, we could talk to her during nap time. I was wide awake. I was ready. I went up to her and after hearing more explanations of what it meant to follow Jesus, I knew it was time. I'm in awe that the Lord showed me so much grace to help me see my need for Him at 6 years old. I was excited, but there was no immediate change. I still lied to my K5 teacher about a candy bar I had found then stuck it in my backpack. Then, she gave me a note and I remember throwing it away. Wow, rebellious 6 year old huh? But the Lord knew what He was doing and was slowly performing a heart transformation throughout the years.

Ever since I was little, people called me different nick names that had to do with lemurs...the most famous, "lemur girl" in which I signed all my papers in elementary, a classic Shae move. I LOVED lemurs. I even volunteered at a zoo for two years and was their "lemur girl" and got to take care of the lemurs and play with them in my spare time. I remember one night while I was in third grade I began praying about my future and asked the Lord why I liked lemurs so much. His answer was not exactly what I was expecting. That night, the Lord called me to be a missionary in Madagascar, where lemurs are from. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. His still and quiet voice was the clearest it had ever been. I knew He would get me there in His timing, but I had no idea what was to come in 11 short years...

And then comes Junior High.....

Rough picture, huh? Well, let's just say 8th grade was 10X as rough as this picture. In 7th grade I found out we were going to move from Oklahoma to Texas. I was ready for the new adventure but I had no idea how much my world was about to be rocked. After leaving my older brothers who were in college in Oklahoma, my parents and I drove to Dallas to start a new journey. A new school. A new church. New friends. On top of all those challenges, my last two grand parents died 10 days apart shortly after the move. Rough, huh? I began to hate my circumstances and was so confused as to why God was doing this to me. I would pray, "God, can you please just take me back to my family, friends, and my school?". Sometimes the greatest answer to prayer is a no! The Lord brought me contentment and showed me grace as He sought me like a hidden treasure. As hard as that year was, it was the best year of my life. The Lord used it to finally get a hold of my heart and really get my attention. This is where the heart transformation God started on my heart when I was 6 started to leave the prep room and enter the surgery room. As hard and painful as surgeries are, most of us would always choose it because we know the outcome and the joy the results bring. 

After 11 years of waiting for the Lord to open doors to go to my future home, Madagascar, He showed His faithfulness as always. Not only did He show His faithfulness, but did so in an incredible whimsical way. I expected Him to be faithful and open the right doors, but I had no idea what was to come. During my freshman year, I began praying not only for opportunities, but for missionaries to get in contact with. Since Madagascar is a pretty rare place, it was almost impossible for me to find anyone to contact online. One day my roommate walked in and gave me the email address of some missionaries in Mada she saw in DBU's prayer room. WHAT? I got to contact them and even got to meet one of them while on the trip. Then, after searching for mission trips to there for several years a friend called me and let me know his seminary was beginning to reach the people in the South of Mada and would be taking a trip there (last Christmas break). UMMM YES. Then, a friend found a blog of a journeyman in Mada whom I got to get in touch with and even work with him on the trip. The Lord's plans were woven together in such a beautiful and intricate way. I even got to feed a wild lemur and have another one fall asleep in my lap. To me, Lemurs are the most whimsical way the Lord loves on me. holding that lemur (as silly as this sounds) brought me so much joy since I had dreamed about it since I was a little girl. This was no longer a lemur in an American zoo. I WAS THERE and the Lord showed his PERFECT faithfulness. Now, I am planning on going back for the two year journeyman program right after I graduate college.

I am so blessed by a family that has supported me every step of the way and that has loved me unconditionally. You always love family, but I tend to like mine as well =). What studmuffins.

Beggars of the King

I got back from Madagascar about a month ago and throughout the two weeks we spent there, the beggars flocked to us. Many of them see a white person and immediately see them as money. They see the white men as people who have what they want and therefore see Americans as gift-givers. While it is heartbreaking to see these people in desperate need, giving them money is not always the most beneficial response. They know we have money and we know we have the money. The problem is, there are so many long-term effects at hand. As a missionary, we want to be generous and seek out the needs of the people and teach them. It creates problems when we go about it the wrong way as the people can easily see us only as gift-givers and not as a friend. For awhile I was greatly annoyed at the amount of beggars since some saw me as a gift-giver and never had a desire to get to know me and hear what I had to say. I knew that just handing money over to them may bring them short term happiness, but would create long term obstacles. I'm sure by saying no to the beggars they saw me as a greedy American who had what they needed and was unwilling to give it to them, but I knew that as someone who loved them and could see past the present need, I had to do what I knew was best for them. I love the precious people of Madagascar, so I want to serve them and teach them how to find pure Joy in the Lord as well as teach them how to better their lifestyle and live according to their means.

AND THEN IT HIT ME....like a mud hole followed by boulders on the road in the bush....I am often like a beggar to the Lord.

So many times it is easy to see the Lord as a gift-giver who has the ability to give me anything I want, like a little genie. Sure, He has the ability to give me anything, but out of love, He limits Himself. Think about how many times your prayers consist of asking the Lord for things, and how many times your prayers consist of sitting at His feet and praising Him and wanting to learn from the King of Kings. I can't even begin to count how many times I or someone else has said something along the lines of God is not answering my prayers because he said no. Even a no is an answer to prayer. Sure, God could say yes to everything we ask for, and we may be happy, but our heart will not be after His. The Lord is not after us being happy, but transforming a heart into one of pure joy who is after the Lord's great heart. There are times when the Lord gives us what we want, but many times He shows His love through wanting to teach us and transform our heart.

 ⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Do you find your identity in the yeses you get from the Lord, or from the heart transformation He offers? As the daughters' hearts transform to the King's, we find ourselves looking to God as a gift-giver less, and sitting at His feet more, learning about His heart as we desire Him rather than His gifts. Think about friendships where you sought them only because of what they could give you and do for you and then think about the friendships where you wanted to get to know the person and serve them. Think about the difference in those relationships. The first may seem gratifying for a short amount of time, but the second one brings a much deeper and stronger relationship since your motives are not selfish, but those of humility and service. Think about the difference in our relationship with God when we seek after the gifts less, and His beautiful glory and presence in our life more.

Oh the beauty of sitting at the beloved King's feet as His precious and chosen daughters, seeking His heart and His desires.