But God

I am inadequate, BUT GOD.....

For the first time in my life I have been homesick. These last few weeks my heart has ached to be back home in Madagascar. Recently I have been reading a new book on Madagascar I got for my birthday. It has literally brought me so much joy to read about the different reserves there and about their culture. Also, I have been reading over my journal I kept while I was there on a two week mission trip during this last Christmas break. 

Reading these journal entries bring me Joy when I read about the times when I got to hold lemurs and even have one fall asleep on my lap. This sounds crazy that something like that would bring me so much joy, but you have to understand the story behind all of this. Here's a blog post that explains a little more about my journey.There was also a journal entry when I mentioned some people coming to Christ and said, "The Lord has without a doubt gone before us and prepared the precious hearts of the people here...Can't wait to sit at the King's feet in praise with my Malagasy brothers and sisters." 

 My heart aches when I read "It is so sad to walk down the neighborhood slums while stepping all over trash. There are bush houses everywhere and people sleeping outside where flies cover them. Kids run around naked, sometimes chewing on random things they find around. The poverty is astonishing, but I feel like home." While it is sad to see some of these people in such destitution, I envy their simplicity. Christians there are less distracted and chase after the Lord with ALL of their heart. Their simplistic lives allow them to focus more on others than themselves. 

Then, I start laughing when I read "Can't wait to step off that plane and feel the reality of the Lord's perfect faithfulness. That is, if this tiny plane doesn't break haha...every sound makes us wonder" and things like "Imagine waking up to a loud cow bell at 5 in the morning, angry cats and dogs, roosters...and the guys talking." You have to love "That moment when the Madagascar hissing cockroach disappears..."


Here's a journal entry that I wrote the other day.

"Lately I have felt so homesick, Homesick for the land I love, homesick for the people that stole my heart before I even met them. I long desperately for the moment when I get to hand a new Bible to a new believer. I long for the absolute joy they will express when they have your precious word in their hands. I long to see the smiles on the faces-the smiles that can not be contained-smiles that are bigger than ever. I long to see them so moved by you that they can't help but cry tears of absolute joy, joy that they are found, joy that they are loved, joy that there is hope beyond their destitution, hope beyond their pain, hope beyond their desperate pleas through animism. I long to see their heavy chains that have held them in bondage for so many years shatter and fall to the ground in uncountable pieces. I long for the day when I get to see one of the hardest of hearts melted by your embrace. I long for the day when one of the women I will get to disciple will take others under her wing and love on them. I long for the day when revivals in Southern Mada bring thousands to their knees...Sometimes I feel so inadequate, but then I can't help but feel more powerful and equipped as ever because I know who goes before me. I know how faithful you are and how strong you are. Give me the courage to follow you step by step in this journey. I hope I get to write a book someday about how faithful you were in this process...I long for the day when people read that book and long for you more."

Recently the Lord has been calling me to write a book someday about my journey to encourage people by writing about the Lord's incredible faithfulness throughout all these years, beginning when He called me to be a missionary when I was just a child... and the journey has just begun! 

Philippians 1:6

"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you is faithful to bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." 

I am inadequate....BUT GOD

During that trip, it was so easy to compare myself to all those seminary Bible experts that seemed to have awesome answers and that knew their stuff. I remember feeling so inadequate and wondering if God could really use me there like He had promised. I don't know all the answers. I am not perfect. I struggle with a lot of things and have a butt load of weaknesses.  I felt like I had a long way to go before I could effectively witness. The funny thing is, I am inadequate. There is nothing in me that can change lives. I am not bold. I am not a Bible genius. I am not worthy of the calling, BUT GOD goes before me. The God that made me, the God that intricately made the universe, the God that crafted each cell in the world, the God that melted the hardest of hearts (Saul/Paul) and made him into one of the greatest evangelists Christianity has ever seen, and the God that is over angel armies goes before me and prepares the way. So yes, without God I am completely inadequate, BUT God, who is adequate goes before me to prepare the path and promises to never leave me. BE COURAGEOUS. Whatever you are going through right now, trust Him. He is adequate and is able to prepare us and prepare the way. He will never leave or forsake you. Hold His hand in absolute surrender, close your eyes, and enjoy the journey He is taking you on. 

Deuteronomy 31:8

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."