SURPRISE!!!!

I used to try to control things, now I let Jesus delight in loving me.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb...My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth." Psalm 139: 13, 15

If you are a Christian you have probably heard this verse a ton of times, but I encourage you not to become calloused to how amazing this is. Think about it... He knit you together and intricately wove you. Think about this in an even more detailed way. I imagine God as being a joyful creator that takes great delight in what He creates. I imagine Him creating someone and getting giddy with excitement as He picks the eye color, or multiple colors, skin pigment, body shape, hair color and style, personality, and so much more. I imagine Him in an art room creating a masterpiece that He is so excited about making and then proudly shows his masterpiece off to everyone around. He then treasures that artwork and takes great delight in it even after He has completed it. Think about how excited He was to mold you and create you into the person you are. Not only did He delight in you when He made you , but He still delights in you to this day!

Now, think about this. He knows His masterpiece better than it knows itself. He knows us and loves us more than we can love ourselves. Now, look at it from a little different perspective. We are all soooo incredibly different and we feel loved in different ways. Not only does this show how creative God is, but it shows us how much He knows us. There are five basic love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, gifts, and acts of service. Obviously these are not all inclusive, so I'm going to add surprises as the 6th love language. 

I used to try to worry about my future and want to have everything planned, then the Lord showed me how He wanted to love on me: by surprises. Like I said, He made us so He knows us better than we know ourselves. At the time that did not sound fun but after teaching me to trust Him He started to work everything out with little surprises along the way. I grew to love life's surprises no matter what it was. Once I allowed God to love on me the way He wanted to, my relationship with Him grew immensely and He gave me the grace to delight in Him much more. 

Things I used to think were coincidences or mundane things became surprises the Lord used to love on me. It's amazing how whimsical His love becomes when He opens your eyes to it. Things

like flowers off by themselves, a bird hiding in a beautiful bush, my cat randomly walking in to love on me, a letter from a friend, a surprise gift, and many others became ways the Lord delighted in loving me. It's Christmas day which is making me think back to Christmases throughout my life. Even when I was little, I was never the one to try to find my presents or figure out what everything was. I delighted in the surprise element. Why? Because that's how God created me to see His love. The best is when its a surprise inception ha! One of my favorite surprise inceptions was when God placed a trip to Madagascar in my hands, provided everything I needed, provided awesome connections in ways I would never have thought, and so much more. One of my favorite surprise moments was when I got to hold a lemur in my lap (There weren't even supposed to be lemurs around) and it even fell asleep. To me, lemurs represent His faithfulness and His love. 

I've never been much of a fan of those predictable movies. I'm a lover of surprise endings. One of my favorite surprise endings is how Jesus came into the world. A predictable story would have gone like this: Jesus comes as a jacked 25 year old on a giant horse with flames coming from all sides with a chariot. He kills every human that has wronged Him (everyone) and takes over the world as it should be. But, we serve a humble God who surprised everyone. The creator of the universe came to earth as a helpless baby that couldn't do anything and needed his diapers changed. Then, He didn't even come as some warrior to take over the world. He grew up only to die a terrible and degrading death so that every person that has wronged Him could have the opportunity to believe in Him, give Him their lives, and live in Heaven forever. If that's not a surprise ending that shows love, I don't know what is.

So what's the point to this seemingly cheesy mess?

The God that hand-crafted you loves you more than you can imagine and knows exactly what makes you feel loved. For some of you that will be through words of affirmation. Open your eyes to the way people affirm you this week but most importantly pay attention to how the Lord affirms you throughout the Bible. Maybe keep a journal of what He says about you. For some it is service. Open your eyes to the whimsical ways the Lord serves you this week. If it's physical touch, pay attention to the ways people love on you and instead of automatically thinking it was that person, think about how the Lord is using them to love you. For others it's quality time. Allow your Creator to spend time with you this week! Don't rush through your quiet times. Allow Him to love you!! If it's gifts, open your eyes to the gifts He places all around you, such as a flower  that you see or something someone gives you or something that seems out of the ordinary. But remember, God often works in what seems like the ordinary, just waiting for us to open our eyes to His creative and whimsical love. Struggle seeing His whimsy? I challenge you to 10 days of whimsical love.

Some may call it cheesy, but I call it delighting in loving.

Community and Confession

Take a second to think back on when you were little and your mom told you to clean your room. You go into your room, disgusted by what is in there. You've got clothes covering every inch of your floor, moldy grapes you forgot to take out of your lunch box (guilty), unknown scents coming from every direction, shoes that have been worn too many times, socks you forgot to wash from last month's football game, Christmas candy you got 3 years ago that you forgot to eat, and a ball for every sport covering the floor. Naturally, you decide the best way to clean is to stuff everything into your over packed closet. You sit there, praying your mom doesn't come in and experience a Zoboomafoo episode where the closet creates an avalanche. Some of you are thinking "when I was little?....that happened the other day...." 

Out of sight, out of mind right? Here's the problem...it's still there. 

The purpose of this blog is to help you recognize your sin and realize the gift of community the Lord gives us so that we can experience the beautiful healing from our sin. 

The purest form of community comes from Jesus Himself. 

God the Son, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit are three in one. They have different roles, but they work together as one. We are created in His image as Genesis 1:26 says, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness." We are created not only to live in community, but to be dependent on our community with the Lord; therefore, to reject light and community is to reject God.

We live in a culture that is extremely individualized. We are taught to follow our own dreams and do whatever we can to make ourselves successful. The more independent you are, the more success you will have and the stronger you will be. You don't need anyone. Dependence=weakness. But, here's the thing...that is what culture tells us but God tells us differently. Unfortunately pride destroys community. When God created Adam and Eve, not only did they have perfect community with each other but with God. Because Adam and Eve desired to be as wise as God, their community became distorted. So, pride is now the #1 thing that gets in the way of healing from sin, as well as deep community. 

Walk in the radiant, life-giving light rather than the destructive darkness.

Sorry ahead of time for any nightmares....

When I was in Madagascar last Christmas break, the other girl on the trip and I were in a hotel room in the bush. The whole trip, I was praying I would not encounter a Madagascar hissing cockroach. Let's just be honest...those things are TERRIFYING. Not only are they the size of a lumber jack's beard, but they hiss at you....they HISS!! Maybe I'm just a wimp, but that sounds terrifying. We were sitting in our room when my roommate during the trip went into the bathroom and turned on the light. As soon as she did this, I heard a shriek. As my eyes popped open, I asked what happened. There was a Madagascar hissing cockroach in the bathroom and as soon as she turned on the light, it scurried under some pipes behind the wall. Well, that's comforting. Then, it was my turn to take a shower. There I was, praying the electricity didn't go off, leaving me and a blood-thirsty, man-eating cockroach. (ok, so maybe I'm being a little dramatic....but still) Then, guess what happened. Yup, the lights went out. You can only imagine where my thoughts went. I was glad it was in the wall somewhere so it could be out of sight, out of mind but deep down I wished it was in the middle of the floor where I could see it so I could kill it right there. 

We often think that if our sin is out of sight, it is out of mind, but how much more life-giving would it be if we brought it into the light? 

I believe our failure to confess keeps us from experiencing some of God's greatest blessings of mercy and grace. "Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them" (Ephesians 5:11). Sin requires the absence of light to survive. For most of my life I thought I could process all my sin on my own, but now I know the freedom and healing that comes through community. As long as God knows, nobody else needs to know, right? Wrong. That was my pride that held me back from the healing that comes from confession in community. I thought I could be independent and be just as close to God, but God created us to be dependent, not only on Him, but on the community He gives us. After all, what better way to make Christ strong than boasting in our weaknesses?

Not only does confession produce unwavering forgiveness, but freedom through healing.

"God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin... If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:5-9). Isn't it good to know we don't serve a God that just sometimes forgives us? We serve a God that is FAITHFUL to forgive when we ask. Although He is faithful to forgive us, we are likely to continue the vicious cycle if we do not confess to one another and repent. He then gives us the Word to guide us through repentance and life change. We are dependent on His forgiveness. 

After we ask for forgiveness and repentance, healing occurs when we bring our sin into the light. James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power as it is working" (James 5:16). Healing from sin comes from bringing your sin into light among fellow believers. There is great freedom in great community. 

What in your life needs to be brought into the light so that you can be healed and thus walk in the freedom you have because of Jesus? Maybe it's some kind of addiction, lust, anger, bitterness, jealousy, self-righteousness, some kind of sexual sin, unforgiveness, pride, insecurities, idolatry, or anything else. May we be not only hearers of the Word, but doers (James 1:22-25). Let me encourage you this week to bring your sin into the light among believers that will hold you accountable and remind you of the grace our God give us. May you no longer walk in the destructive darkness, but the radiant, life-giving light. 

The Pursuit

There she was. 
He saw her.

He loved her before she ever knew who he was. How did she not know? He knew she would be his one day and that she would be his forever. 

The beautiful pursuit took him six years, but the even more beautiful part of his pursuit was that it continued even after she was his forever. 

The day he won her over was one of the greatest days of his life. He couldn't help but smile and hold her tightly. The embrace was beautiful. They were both so excited for the days and years to come as they would take this journey together. He had sacrificed so much just to be able to love her and pursue her in the most beautiful way. Why? Because his love was unlike any other.

He knew her better than anyone else. He knew her heart. He knew what she loved the most and what she desired the most. He loved her in the most whimsical ways through daily gifts and through his love and truth. He told her daily she was beautiful and treasured, but she felt inadequate. He told her again, "You are beautiful and treasured and you are mine." Every day he pursued her through daily surprises in the most beautiful and unique ways. He was there whenever she needed him, and even when she didn't think she needed him. He was there for her. At times she was unfaithful to him but he had made her a promise to love her unconditionally, so he pursued her. She tried to pursue others while being pursued by the one that truly loved her. She knew she was loved, yet she didn't know the depth of his love. 

There she was.

Broken.

Discontent.

Crying her eyes out on a pile of broken glass.

He walked up to her and gently wrapped his arms around her and said, "I love you. I really love you. Open your eyes to the one who is pursuing you. I have been here the whole time yet you did not see me. Take my hand, let's go home. Let's continue this journey together." He proved over and over again that he was faithful to her, even in her unfaithfulness. He was whole, even though she was broken. He had forgiven her and brought her back, ready to love her just as much as before. Every morning he would look at her and smile as he delighted in her. There was no way he was going to let anyone take her away after that six year pursuit. He planned to pursue her the rest of her life even though she was already his. Not only did he love her with a passionate love, but he was jealous for her. Knowing other things would try to pull her away and take her eyes off of her true love, he watched over her and fought anything and everyone that tried to take her away. He wanted her and loved her. 

One day her eyes were open to the truth he had told her since he began pursuing her. She began to think about all the journeys they had been on and how beautiful life was when she was with him. She began to treasure him and take great delight in who he was. Her eyes were finally opened. She began to pursue him in a beautiful way. She learned how to pursue from his unwavering pursuit of her. She learned to love because she knew his love. She learned to speak beautiful truth to others because he had spoken beautiful truth to her. She learned to love the broken because he loved her brokenness. She learned to pursue the faithless because she had been pursued in her faithlessness. She wanted to change the world, because her world had been changed. 

He walked up to her and said, "My precious daughter, Shae, I love you and you are mine. Take hold of my hand, trust me, and be ready for the beautiful journey called Life that I have for you. I am faithful so remember my promises to you. I will never leave you or forsake you. Treat others just as I have treated you and be ready to change the world. Make disciples and teach them what I have taught you. Pursue others with the love I have pursued you with. Stop trying to look forward to destination points and enjoy the journey."

But God

I am inadequate, BUT GOD.....

For the first time in my life I have been homesick. These last few weeks my heart has ached to be back home in Madagascar. Recently I have been reading a new book on Madagascar I got for my birthday. It has literally brought me so much joy to read about the different reserves there and about their culture. Also, I have been reading over my journal I kept while I was there on a two week mission trip during this last Christmas break. 

Reading these journal entries bring me Joy when I read about the times when I got to hold lemurs and even have one fall asleep on my lap. This sounds crazy that something like that would bring me so much joy, but you have to understand the story behind all of this. Here's a blog post that explains a little more about my journey.There was also a journal entry when I mentioned some people coming to Christ and said, "The Lord has without a doubt gone before us and prepared the precious hearts of the people here...Can't wait to sit at the King's feet in praise with my Malagasy brothers and sisters." 

 My heart aches when I read "It is so sad to walk down the neighborhood slums while stepping all over trash. There are bush houses everywhere and people sleeping outside where flies cover them. Kids run around naked, sometimes chewing on random things they find around. The poverty is astonishing, but I feel like home." While it is sad to see some of these people in such destitution, I envy their simplicity. Christians there are less distracted and chase after the Lord with ALL of their heart. Their simplistic lives allow them to focus more on others than themselves. 

Then, I start laughing when I read "Can't wait to step off that plane and feel the reality of the Lord's perfect faithfulness. That is, if this tiny plane doesn't break haha...every sound makes us wonder" and things like "Imagine waking up to a loud cow bell at 5 in the morning, angry cats and dogs, roosters...and the guys talking." You have to love "That moment when the Madagascar hissing cockroach disappears..."


Here's a journal entry that I wrote the other day.

"Lately I have felt so homesick, Homesick for the land I love, homesick for the people that stole my heart before I even met them. I long desperately for the moment when I get to hand a new Bible to a new believer. I long for the absolute joy they will express when they have your precious word in their hands. I long to see the smiles on the faces-the smiles that can not be contained-smiles that are bigger than ever. I long to see them so moved by you that they can't help but cry tears of absolute joy, joy that they are found, joy that they are loved, joy that there is hope beyond their destitution, hope beyond their pain, hope beyond their desperate pleas through animism. I long to see their heavy chains that have held them in bondage for so many years shatter and fall to the ground in uncountable pieces. I long for the day when I get to see one of the hardest of hearts melted by your embrace. I long for the day when one of the women I will get to disciple will take others under her wing and love on them. I long for the day when revivals in Southern Mada bring thousands to their knees...Sometimes I feel so inadequate, but then I can't help but feel more powerful and equipped as ever because I know who goes before me. I know how faithful you are and how strong you are. Give me the courage to follow you step by step in this journey. I hope I get to write a book someday about how faithful you were in this process...I long for the day when people read that book and long for you more."

Recently the Lord has been calling me to write a book someday about my journey to encourage people by writing about the Lord's incredible faithfulness throughout all these years, beginning when He called me to be a missionary when I was just a child... and the journey has just begun! 

Philippians 1:6

"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you is faithful to bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." 

I am inadequate....BUT GOD

During that trip, it was so easy to compare myself to all those seminary Bible experts that seemed to have awesome answers and that knew their stuff. I remember feeling so inadequate and wondering if God could really use me there like He had promised. I don't know all the answers. I am not perfect. I struggle with a lot of things and have a butt load of weaknesses.  I felt like I had a long way to go before I could effectively witness. The funny thing is, I am inadequate. There is nothing in me that can change lives. I am not bold. I am not a Bible genius. I am not worthy of the calling, BUT GOD goes before me. The God that made me, the God that intricately made the universe, the God that crafted each cell in the world, the God that melted the hardest of hearts (Saul/Paul) and made him into one of the greatest evangelists Christianity has ever seen, and the God that is over angel armies goes before me and prepares the way. So yes, without God I am completely inadequate, BUT God, who is adequate goes before me to prepare the path and promises to never leave me. BE COURAGEOUS. Whatever you are going through right now, trust Him. He is adequate and is able to prepare us and prepare the way. He will never leave or forsake you. Hold His hand in absolute surrender, close your eyes, and enjoy the journey He is taking you on. 

Deuteronomy 31:8

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

Jealous For Me Part 2

Now that we know what righteous jealousy is, let's look at a story in the Bible where the Lord gave a beautiful example of His jealousy for His people. 

Has there ever been a time in your life where there seemed to be things you were missing out on by following Christ? Maybe you looked at friends who were not Christians and it seemed like maybe they were having more fun because they got to party and live without regrets? This is very similar to what the Israelites felt like after the Lord had rescued them from their oppression under the Egyptians. While it's easy to look back on the story in the Bible and stand amazed that they would turn from God after all He had just done for them, we do the same thing at times, don't we?

Even though they began to turn away from their Jealous God, He still lovingly pursued them by providing in miraculous ways such as the parting of the Red Sea, the cloud by day, the fire by night, the manna, the water that came from the rock, and a victory against the Egyptians. Even then, they rebelled against their leaders and began to sacrifice to other gods.

Deuteronomy 32:16-18

"They made Him jealous with their foreign gods and angered Him with their detestable idols. They sacrificed to false gods, which are not God-gods they had not known, gods that recently appeared, gods your ancestors did not fear. You deserted the Rock, who fathered you; you forgot the God who gave you birth."   

God became jealous that they were turning to other gods. The Israelites were His. He created them, He loved them more than anyone else ever could, He provided for them, and He had brought them out of slavery. He was rightfully jealous. Remember, His jealousy is righteous because they were already His, and it is out of love for them. Little did they know, the Lord was not going to let them turn away without a fight. Over and over again Moses pleaded to God on their behalf to forgive them. He did, but there were still consequences so that they would learn to follow their Maker. After pursuing them over and over again, He did what was ultimately best for them and did not allow them to enter the promise land. He would have loved to see them enter the promise land but because He was jealous for them He allowed affliction so they would learn to follow Him. While they were in the wilderness wandering around for 40 years, God continued to pursue them and provide for them in incredible ways. Even in their affliction the Lord loved on them and wanted their hearts. 

Even though the Israelites lost many battles and were often in distress, The Lord continued to show His jealousy. You see, God was too jealous for His people not to discipline them. Even in discipline He loved on His precious children, like a father sitting in time-out with his screaming child

. He showed them grace when 2 men, Joshua and Caleb, decided to trust God, while many people continued to turn away from their God. Funny how our culture tends to think God is against us when "bad things happen to good people," but He loves us too much not to allow trials to enter our lives to grow us and turn our eyes to Him.

Let me encourage you to open your eyes to the ways He is jealous for you. Sometimes He shows His jealousy through the sweet moments in life such as sweet friends, beautiful sunsets, and the creation all around you and sometimes He shows His jealousy by turning our faces to His radiant glory during trials. He loves you too much to let you live your life without hard moments which allow us to see His peace and goodness despite our sin and life-shattering trials. Even in those trials He is pursuing you in beautiful ways, such as the people around you, His Word, and ways He provides. 

Bone Dry Faith

If you are anything like me, you have had times where your faith has felt dry. Times when you wished you were more passionate in your spiritual walk, times when you wished your heart broke for the things that break His heart. You see passionate people around you and you just don't feel the same way. Maybe you even sit in your room wishing you could trust God with your WHOLE heart, wishing His joy would pour out of you.You wish you could magically grow into a more passionate believer who recognizes the power of God and trusts in that. If any of those scenarios sound familiar, you are probably a lot like me. I have had many times in my faith where things have felt dry, even though I wanted to be passionately in love with Christ and joyful in every circumstance. 

One thing I absolutely love about God is that He never fails to remind us of truth and remind us of who He is through creation, people, or seemingly insignificant things around us. 

Yesterday, while I was nannying, one of the girls was showing me these things called Orbeez. They are these little bitty balls that you put in water overnight and they absorb a ton of water. She brought some downstairs that she had already made and they were pretty big, a lot bigger than I expected them to be. I began to read the directions, and here are some things it said: "Orbeez will grow to about 100-300 times their original volume. The purer the water the larger they grow." Then it goes on to say, "Try growing Orbeez in different solutions (you can try tap water with salt, filtered or distilled water, milk, soda, juice). Measure how large they grow in these liquids. Hint: The purer the solution the larger they grow."

I thought they were kind of fun and cool and we were playing with them. Then, the Lord opened my eyes to the beautiful example of a passionate faith right in front of me. Sure, it seems silly that a little polymer ball soaked in water would remind me of that, but stay with me for a minute. =)

First of all, the Orbeez balls have to soak in water overnight, which takes time. Soaking is a process, and the transformation needs that process or nothing would happen and they would still be dry and unusable. So many times I wish I could magically be a passionate Christian, but it takes time. Following Christ is more about the journey with Him. We live in a culture that wants things immediately and would rather skip right to the results and bypass the process. I think Christ is less worried about the results and more enthralled by our journey with Him. It is through the journey that we learn to love Him more and learn to dance with Him and enjoy where He takes us and not worry about where our feet are. 

We can't expect to grow if we aren't willing to absorb the water. In the Bible, the Word of God is often compared to living water. To grow in our faith, we have to go to Jesus who is the source of living water. We have to put effort into growing. We have to be willing to dig into the Word and mediate on it and simply spend time with Jesus. How is a relationship going to grow if you never put effort into it? When Orbeez are taken out of a sealed container with a little water in it, they dry out. When you take them out for a little bit, nobody would know, but it is a slow fade. Once out of the life-giving water, they slowly begin to dry out and shrink into a nasty little wrinkled piece of grossness (great mental picture, huh?). What a beautiful example of the importance of soaking up the living water every day. 

Psalm 1:1-3 

"Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither- whatever they do prospers."

I loved how the instructions challenged you to put them in different liquids to experiment how much they grow. It said that the purer the solution, the more they grow. Think about that...the PURER the solution, the MORE they grow. What a cool picture of what it looks like to grow in our faith. the PURER the source, the more you will grow. The Purest source of Spiritual food is the Bible. Those are the words of God himself. Sure, we can grow through friends, church, Christian living books, community groups, podcasts, etc but unless we have the purest source of food, we will not grow nearly as much. There is a lot of great truth in books and church, but where where does that truth come from? The Bible.

John 7:37-38

"On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them."

When I think back to the times in my life when my faith has felt more dry, I realize it was because I was not soaking up the Word. I may have read it during those times, but I was not truly soaking it up. I was not letting the truth penetrate into my life and change my heart. It became merely a habit. I have found that I grow the most when I change up my routine and study different things. Some people grow more when they keep the same routine and read through the Bible as a whole. Some grow the most when they pick a chapter and dig down deep. Some grow by studying a specific story. Some grow the most when they read a verse a day but spend time meditating on it. The Lord has created us all differently. I tend to grow the most when I take one chapter at a time and really spend time studying it and trying to live it out, one verse at a time. I also tend to grow the most when I change up my routine such as going to a coffee shop or going outside or going hiking and mediating on Scripture. Right now I am studying Psalm 119. Let me tell ya, this one is probably going to take a long time Ha! It's just a tad chunky. If there was a chapter that ate too many cookies, it would be this one. Holy cow. I am taking it one bite at a time, or should I say 2 verses at a time? For me, two verses per day has allowed me to spend more time reading and thinking about those two verses throughout the day. Like I said, we are all different and each person is going to grow in a different way. But one thing I know for sure, when I am feeling dry in my faith, I know there's something that needs to change in the way that I am reading Scripture. When I allow the truth to penetrate my life, He is always faithful to give me life through His living water. 
By the way, if you all know of any good studies on Psalm 119 I would love for you to leave a comment with a link! 

His All-Consuming Jealousy:Jealousy Defined

Jealousy Defined

Lately I have been studying the Lord's jealousy and what it looks like. Our whole lives we are told that jealousy is wrong and that it is a sin, so how can the Lord's jealousy be pure and beautiful? What is righteous jealousy and how should we respond to that jealousy? This series will be covered through several blog posts, so feel free to follow the blog so you can read all the parts. This was a study that was honestly pretty difficult. It was hard to put what I found into words and it was hard to truly understand His jealousy. If you have anything to add, please leave a comment. I would love to learn from you all!

Here's how Webster's Dictionary defines jealousy.

1. apprehensive of loss of exclusive devotion
2. intolerance of rivalry or unfaithfulness
3. hostile toward one believed to enjoy an advantage
4. vigilant to guard a possession

Interesting how some of the definitions describe sinful jealousy as well as Godly jealousy. 

The difference between sinful jealousy and Godly jealousy is that sinful jealousy seeks after that which is not ours. It begins through selfishness and is out of pride, rather than love. It seeks what is best for us, rather than the other person. 

SJ Hill describes righteous jealousy as this: "holy jealousy is at the very core of who God is. Within the depths of His being burns an inextinguishable fire of love called jealousy. It’s a blazing passion to protect a love relationship that is eternally precious to Him and to defend it when it’s broken. Divine jealousy is that unbridled energy in God which stirs Him to take aggressive action against whomever or whatever stands in the way of His enjoyment of those He loves and desires. This has always been the real motivation behind His judgments.”

Which word sticks out to you? When I read it, it was the word love. Love is the motivation behind the Lord's jealousy. Without love, there's no way it can be righteous. Think about it. When there's something you want that someone else has, that thought is prideful because you want it for yourself rather than for others. However, God created us and does not need anything we have. He is jealous for us because we are already His and He loves us so deeply and so passionately that He will take "aggressive action" to protect those He loves. He often allows closed doors and hard trials because He loves us. He loves us too much to let us fall away from Him without a fight. He loves us too much to not chase after us. He loves us too much to let us get too distracted with the things of this world. He loves us too much to not be jealous FOR us. 

“Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God” 

(Exodus 34:14).

Next blog we will look more closely at some scripture and study the Lord's jealousy and what it looks like. Stay tuned! =)

Nothing to Lose, Everything to Gain

Whimsical Love Day 10:

These 10 days of praying for the grace to have my eyes opened to the way my Father loves me have been absolutely incredible. I have been challenged, encouraged,  convicted, and so much more. On the tenth day of this challenge I was still in Mexico on a mission trip. God loved on me that day through the encouragement of others on the trip. It's taken me awhile to write about the tenth day since life has been a little crazy since I got back from Mexico, but here it is!

Here's a little background before I continue. As many of you know, I am called to be a missionary in Madagascar, a large island off the coast of South Africa. This is one of my greatest passions. I love talking about Madagascar and I am looking forward to going back and getting to live there. It's the place I call home.  It's always kinda funny. I feel like when people hear a little Christian girl who goes to a Christian college talk about how she is called to be a missionary they automatically think she has it all together. Yeah, that's funny. Not a chance. There are a lot of struggles I have and a lot of pride that the Lord is constantly pushing out of the way. I have no idea why He called me to be a missionary overseas but I am excited and am always praying for the grace to be obedient throughout the process. There are times when I am faithless but He remains faithful. I can't grasp that concept, but every time He remains faithful. If there's one thing I have learned these past 2 years it is the depth of the Lord's faithfulness. It's hard to grasp that concept when we live in a world that strives on unfaithfulness. It's everywhere. Magazines, friends, relationships, jobs, everything.

I have been so unfaithful to the Lord so many times. There have been times in my life where I tried to plan out my life and tried to not be "that person" that didn't know what they wanted to do. Every time I tried to do that without praying about it first I have fallen on my face humbled, and each time the Lord's plan is 10X better than mine could have ever been. Sometimes you have to love His sense of humor, even when it's hard to laugh. I used to think I had a great plan for my life, now I know His plan is better.

Isaiah 55:8-9

"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

This last year, Satan has put thoughts in my head of the things I will lose when I leave as a missionary. Things like not being surrounded by friends and family, not getting to see possible nieces or nephews in their first years, not getting to go to family and friends' weddings, and not having the things I am used to having here. Funny thing is, every time I have been unfaithful to Him in my thoughts about that, He has loved me enough to remind me that I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain. Many of the times Satan puts those thoughts in my head are right before church. Then, we end up singing lyrics that absolutely shatter those lies and fears. Every time I am humbled by His faithfulness to love me during my doubts. Nothing compares to His embrace. Nothing compares to obedience. Nothing compares to walking in His will. Nothing compares to serving Him wholeheartedly. 

During the trip in Mexico, I was so encouraged by the two interns who were there for a month to love on these kids. They gave up a month of their lives to serve and follow in obedience, but the funny thing is, they weren't really giving up their life. They gained life. You could see it in the way they played with those kids. When we give up our lives for Christ, we gain everything. Both of the interns there also want to be a missionaries in Africa. I am always so encouraged when I meet people with the same passions. One of them that I talked to didn't know where he was going or when he would go but was completely relying on the Lord's timing and was excited to see where the Lord would take him. He gave up his future out of pure obedience. I was so encouraged by how the Lord was using the interns there and I knew God used them to help shatter some doubts and fears I had. When the Lord opens our eyes, we can see how the Lord is encouraging us through the people around us. Even when we are unfaithful, He remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). I dare you to take the same 10 day challenge. It will change your perspective, as it did mine. 

Embracing the Lord

Whimsical Love Days 7-9


I got the opportunity to go to a children's home just inside the border of Mexico Tuesday through Saturday this week where we worked on one of their buildings that needed a lot of work then we got to love on the kids when they got home from school. This week was absolutely incredible. I learned so much about how the Lord loves us and how we can love others because of Him. I remember sitting outside in the heat scraping old paint off the building and thinking about how even that was worship. Our God is not bound by worship on Sunday mornings while we sing. We serve a God that can be worshiped on a hot day in Mexico while painting, doing construction work, cutting wood, scraping walls, attempting to use machetes, and cleaning up the aftermath of construction. One of my prayers is that I begin to see even the most mundane things in life as a beautiful form of worship where I can work at it with all my heart since I am working for the Lord rather than for man (Colossians 3:23). Construction work and painting is a pretty whimsical way to love others. It's something often overlooked and not seen as love. The Lord has met so many of our needs, the least we can do is to love others by meeting their needs as we point them back to the love of Christ. 


The children's home (Casa Hogar in Matamoros Mexico) has an awesome ministry. Rather than adopting the kids out, the founder has adopted each one of them (around 250ish kids). His ministry is to pay for their school and teach them life lessons as well as Bible studies so that they may grow up to be missionaries and love on people in Mexico. I don't know what the Lord has in store for me someday but I could see Him allowing me to start some kind of ministry with kids, maybe even something similar to this children's home.  

In the evenings we got to love on the kids and play with them. They laughed and loved in such a beautiful way. Our first day there these kids embraced us like they had always known us. They loved us but barely knew us, and could not even speak to us, although we tried to somewhat speak Spanish. Let's just say that was a little rough haha. You gotta love those language mistakes.... I asked a kid one day while we were playing football how to say strong. I guess I misunderstood him because I found out on the drive back that over and over again I was telling these kids "very door" rather than "very strong." But hey, at least they got a good laugh in before they all went to bed. I can only imagine them saying... "hey why was that girl saying very door all the time? Crazy American." Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself!!  We played tag, football, soccer, made bracelets, painted nails, blew bubbles, and simply loved them. All the while they were loving on us. Funny how that works, huh? You try to love on someone and they end up ministering to you in a unique way. That's how the Lord works. He often ministers to us in whimsical ways as we try to minister. He loves on us even when we don't expect it. The night we were painting nails a little girl wanted to paint mine. I was excited to see what kind of color concoction was about to happen and lo and behold polka dots and glitter of ever color ended up on those puppies. That nail polish is still on. It is a beautiful reminder of the Lord's creative love that night. 

I remember thinking, "This is life." Why? because life isn't about going to school, coming back, going to work, coming back, eating, sleeping, then doing it all again the next day. Life is loving on people wherever you are and taking the time to minister to people. It may mean taking a few years off and traveling to minister to people. It may mean slowing your schedule down enough so there is a beautiful rhythm of rest and work, just as the Lord has intended it to be. Part of the reason I love being a nanny 40 hours a week is the rhythm that goes with that. I get the opportunity to play with those precious little girls and love on them. I get paid to love on people. Yes, it's possible. =) Sure, there are probably jobs that could pay even better but I can't think of a single reason to pursue anything else right now. I am doing exactly what I am called to do right now as a nanny. Kids are one of my passions and I love getting to play with them, even when it means trying to squeeze into dress up clothes and letting them put hideous makeup on me. Wherever you are, take time to minister to the people around you and love on them wherever they are in life. That may mean going on a mission trip, but most importantly it means loving on the people around you rather then becoming busy and pushing those people away. It means taking taking your time to simply love. Because of the nails in His hands and the innocent blood that He shed, we are able to know what love truly is.

But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

Sun Followers

Whimsical Love Day 6:

As I continued my journey to opening my eyes to the ways the Lord loves us, I got in a van early Tuesday morning this week and headed to Mexico for a short mission trip. As we were driving the highways through Texas, everywhere I looked I saw sunflowers. It made me smile and think for awhile. Sunflowers are an interesting flower because as the sun rises and sets, they follow it through the sky. Their name in french is Tournesols, which means sun followers. It made me think about the importance of seeking the Lord wholeheartedly throughout the trip and not relying on my own strength or desires. Why is it so easy sometimes when we are on a mission trip to all of the sudden become a Martha instead of a Mary, going from place to place without sitting at the Lord's feet. We can get so caught up in doing in ministry that we forget our first love. Our actions must come from the love we encounter as we sit at our precious King's feet, ready to serve Him with the right motives. Tuesday was a great time for the Lord to minister to me and love on me, reminding me of my purpose on this mission trip- to seek the Lord with my whole heart and to follow Him so He can shine His love through me so that I may minister to these kids not through my own strength, but through His unwavering strength. If we only open our eyes, we can see the constant reminders of the Lord's love and the rhythm of life He has placed all around us. We must only open our eyes. 

One of my favorite songs is Keep Your Eyes Open by Needtobreathe. I love the lyrics because they remind me of the beauty of keeping our eyes open to what is around us. It's time to dethrone ourselves and give the throne to the righteous one. It's time to open our eyes to all that the Lord has for us and to follow Him even when we don't know where He is taking us next. 

Cause if you never leave home, never let go
You’ll never make it to the great unknown till you
Keep your eyes open, my love
So tell me you’re strong, tell me you see
I need to hear it, can you promise me to
Keep your eyes open, my love

Just past the circumstance
The first light, a second chance
No child could ever dance the way you do, oh
Tear down the prison walls
Don’t start the curtain call
Your chains will never fall until you do

Cause if you never leave home, never let go
You’ll never make it to the great unknown till you
Keep your eyes open, my love
So show me your fire, show me your heart
You know I’ll never let you fall apart if you
Keep your eyes open, my love

Open up
Open up
Open up your eyes
The weight is unbroken
Open up
Open up
Open up your eyes
Keep your eyes open

A Full Heart

Whimsical Love Day 5

You know the Lord loves us when He makes your heart bigger through a friend's new heart. 

One of my best friend's family recently adopted a precious little girl named Brooke from China. She was abandoned by her parents, probably because they knew they could not afford to pay for her heart problems. But boy did her Father have some incredible plans for her! Her family adopted her knowing the Lord was going to use this little girl in some awesome ways. She was born with 2 chambers in her heart instead of 4. This is a pretty rare condition and is extremely hard to operate on. They basically had to take an artery and make it dump the blood directly into her lungs so her heart would not have to pump it to the lungs. The love her family has showed to her has encouraged me so much and has made me love the Lord even more by seeing this process. She recovered from the hard and long surgery very well and is doing great! I got to meet her for the first time this weekend and I have never seen a little kid so full of life and personality! 

One of my favorite parts is that her loving family always tells her she is brave and that she has a beautiful new and brave heart! What a beautiful scar to remind her of how much the Lord loves her and the new heart He has given her. 


This weekend when I got to meet her, my friend had to leave early so I stayed to play with this one and her sister. Brooke began coloring on my arm as she was playing doctor. She pretended to give me a shot with her crayon and then said, "there, now you have a bigger heart". HEART MELTS* I loved how she incorporated that in her imagination and play time. She knows she is blessed and knows she has a beautiful new heart. As she was playing, she put some foam stickers on my shoulder (her baby stickers were at school on my shoulder) and throughout the day stickers came out of the middle of nowhere haha! I loved it though, such a funny reminder of what I had seen that day! She without a doubt has one of the most joyful and loving hearts I have ever seen. 

"A cheerful heart is good medicine." Proverbs 17:22

I began thinking about why we use the symbol of a heart to represent love. Proverbs 4:23 says that the heart is the wellspring of life. Think about that for a second. The heart is what brings life. Without a heart beating, there is no life. Can you imagine a life that does not love? To me, love is life. Because of Jesus' love we are given life. Can we then in return have a life that is void of love? If life is void of love, can it truly be life? Those who love others are the ones that truly experience life. This little girl is a beautiful example of the way Jesus loves us. 

"I'm not that great at spelling and thankfully my phone auto corrects the words I type for me. What I've noticed, though, is that almost every time I type in the word love, it gets changed to the word live...I learned that fully loving and fully living are not only synonymous but the kind of life that Jesus invited us to be part of. And because of that, our lives don't need to be puffs of blue smoke anymore" (Goff, 16). Love Does

Abandoned but Loved

Whimsical Love Day 4

I think it's so cool how the Lord loves us all in different whimsical ways. One of my love languages is animals, and my King knows exactly how to love me through that. Ever since I can remember, I have basically lived in a zoo, and have even volunteered at one. There was one time in my life when I had 13 animals. Yes, you read that right. 13. There were dogs, cats, a guinea pig, hedgehog, a frog and snail, and who knows what else. I have loved every minute of my zoo life. Today I have 3 dogs, a cat, and 3 sugar gliders. There's just something about animals that speak love to me. 

Today I want to highlight one of my all time favorite animals I have ever had. I would say I am normally more of a dog person, but when it comes to this guy, he has my heart. Meet the one and only D.W. (Yes, he is a male, and yes, he is named after Arthur's SISTER. God bless his heart. You never know what you are going to get when you are a kitten in the hands of a 3rd grader). I remember going to a friend's house a few doors down when I was little and saw them playing with a loving and sweet kitten. They didn't have a kitten when I was there 30 minutes earlier.




WHERE DID THAT CUTE CHUNK OF AWESOMENESS COME FROM? They told me that someone had driven behind there house on a dirt road in a truck and threw him out the window. You would never have known just by seeing him. He was loving on us and playing with us as if he was deeply loved. He was abandoned, yet he loved. That is unconditional love. Let's just say it went a little like this.... they could not keep him so I thought that I may be able to ask around and find him a home. So, I carried him home, rang the doorbell, and when my mom answered, talked a mile a minute about how he was abandoned and needed a place to stay for the night so I could find him a home. SUCKER!!! That's irresistible. If my kid ever does that, pretty sure my heart will melt and it will be a yes every time, it's a weakness. Obviously my whole family fell in love with this little kitty that night and the rest is history. You see, he's not your average cat. This kid follows me around EVERYWHERE and is the most snugly and social little thing. He's also too smart...we have to lock all the doors because he can open them. You have got to be kidding me. He is one of the most loving animals I have ever had.

I love Job 39 because it talks about the Lord's wisdom in creating animals. You know he had to have enjoyed creating all those creatures and not only creating them, but using them in our lives to love us in a whimsical way.

I have never understood when people are not animal people. There are so many ways we can learn about God through these animals. I can see God's faithfulness through the faithful, his unconditional love through those who know no hatred, His comfort through the way they love on you and comfort you when they can tell you are down, His humility, playfulness, and beauty. There's a way that animals can minister to people that humans can not. There's a reason they are used in counseling. They just have a gift of knowing how to minister to people. I truly believe the Lord uses animals in incredible ways to minister to them. We can't control what they are thinking, we can't make them understand the baby words we use, but God can use them to minister to us without words. One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books, Love Does says,

 "But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It's a love that operates more like a sign language than being spoken outright." 

God's love is often acted out through the things around us. He uses animals in my life to act out that love. Animals can't talk and tell us they love us, they simply act it out every day. This kind of love challenges me to act out my love for the people around me. It's too easy to simply say " I love you" but if you truly love people, it will be like a sign language. If that's not whimsical, I don't know what is. 

Just Imagine

Due to not having access to my computer the last few days, here are the last couple of blog posts.

Whimsical Love Day 3

There's just something about a child's imagination that captivates you. I have been blessed to nanny two sweet girls for the third summer in a row. One of my favorite things is when I come in the house of a morning and can hear imagination flowing from the other side of the house. It's impossible not to smile and love every second of it. At all times she is either playing Barbies, dolls, ponies, dress-up, or house. It always brings me back to my childhood. That was my life. But instead of ponies, I would somehow make my three older brothers sit down for a tea party. I'm still not sure how that one happened, but I do have a picture of it somewhere to prove it!

Sometimes I would even dress up my cats and bring them to the tea party (So that's why Ernest ended up becoming a 22 lb recluse........). 

Every time I played house my name would be Laura, and I would not answer when my mom called for Shae. I simply whispered in her ear that my name was not Shae, it was Laura. After awhile she would see I was playing house and would automatically call me Laura. I was a different person and in a different place when my imagination was flowing. You see, something happens when your imagination is going. You enter a place of nonstop adventures and happiness. Whether you are being chased by a dinosaur, playing the role of a mom with ten babies (holy cow), running away from the bad guys (everyone in sight) and pretending to be a spy, or whatever it is, adventure is everywhere. I'm sure I was probably one of those kids who had more fun with the boxes. After all, you could build massive castles with them!

Claire, the little girl I nanny was playing house that day and asked me to play house with her. Why not? So she gave a doll to me and she picked up a doll for herself. She continued to play and picked up a Precious Moments Bible. She took it to the other side of the room and said, "Ok, I am going to study Jesus." I couldn't stop reflecting on how beautiful that phrase was. Sometimes it's a child that can put things in a more beautiful and innocent way. Not that this is bad, but we often call it a Bible study or a group study or something but there was something about studying Jesus. Her childlike faith and innocence challenged me. How beautiful would it be if we simply studied Jesus? And not only studied Him, but obeyed Him?

As I was playing house, I began thinking, why did God create imagination? What is its purpose?

In Genesis 1, God created animals, humans, plants, the atmosphere, and more. I don't know about you but that takes A LOT of imagination. I can just imagine the Creator getting ideas for animals and having a childlike excitement as He chooses where each one will live, what they will look like, what kind of fur they will have, and what kind of body they would have. Then, I imagine Him getting excited as He gets to decide what the very first humans would look like. I imagine a glow in His eyes as He decides what kind of hair they will have, what their body shape would be, what their eye colors would be, what their skin tone would be, and what their personality would be. You know He had to have so much fun with this. After all, God is the king of imagination!!! 

We are made in God's image and imagination is without a doubt a character trait of the Creator. When you think about it, everything begins with imagination. Whether that's a game kids make up, any kind of appliance, the design of your house, and the list goes on and on. Although the Lord blessed children with an extra dose of imagination, everyone has some (some more that others!). As an artist, I can relate to this in a cool way. I love having an idea for a new project, whether that's a mosaic, painting, pottery piece, or a sculpture and getting to see that idea become a masterpiece and being able to call it good.

When imagination and excitement collide, barriers are knocked down and it is easier to pursue the Lord's plans. When I get excited about the Lord's imagination for my life and the plans He has for me, it's almost impossible to hold back from following Him 100%. After all, who has a better imagination for my life? 

Did you know imagination can even be a form of worship? If the Lord has made imagination and has even used it, why can't it be another form of worship? Someone mentioned that to me one time and I remember thinking about it. Once I thought about it, worship in church became alive. I was able to think about the lyrics in a new and beautiful way. One of my favorite songs says "I'm running to your arms, I'm running to your arms, the riches of your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to your embrace." I love this song because it enables me to use my imagination. I picture myself running to my king as fast as I can with outstretched arms, then embracing arms that are way bigger than I am. The picture He puts in my head while singing that song is one that sticks with me. When you think about it, faith requires imagination. 2 Corinthians 4: 18 says, "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal." Hebrews 11 speaks of many people who showed great faith (or imagination) who followed the Lord's plans even when they could not see them. After all, Hebrews 11 starts off saying, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Oh the beautiful gift of imagination!!

Whimsical Beauty is Rising

Yesterday was a little crazy so I never got to type out yesterday's blog but here it is!

Whimsical Love Day 2

Do you ever go so fast in life that you forget to look around you? Sometimes we get so focused on a destination that we forget to dance in the rain, see the beauty around us, and notice the people around us who may need some encouragement. I have driven to work so many times and drive straight there and back without ever noticing the beauty around me. As I was driving out of the neighborhood where I nanny, the girls got excited and had me look to our right. There it was. A free and beautiful field filled with bright yellow wild flowers dancing in the wind. All around this field were newly built houses rising up from every nook and cranny. 

Did you know God has created over 230,000 different types of flowers? 

One of my favorite things are open fields with wild flowers. Why? Because its a simple yet creative way The Lord loves on us. We are so focused on destinations sometimes that we forget The Lord is wooing us in more ways we could ever have imagined. We just need to take the time to open our eyes. Life isn't about getting from one destination to another or one stage in life to another. It's about the adventures in between. It's about taking our Father's hand and dancing with Him as He woos His daughters with every step. Before you know it, we will be in His sovereign arms as He carries us through the streets of gold, continuing to woo us with all He has made for us there. It's all to remind us of how loved we are and to remind us of how great our king is!

As I was typing this, one of the girls I nanny brought me some flowers to put in my hair. I gladly did so. Life isn't about keeping your hair perfect and ignoring children. Life is about putting those precious flowers in your hair, as messy as it will be and playing with the children as they have a special place on His heart. When we don't open our eyes to the whimsical things around us, I think we miss out on some of the greatest gifts we have been given. Enjoy each day and the little things around you. 

Whimsical Love Day 1

Have you ever heard a love story or engagement story where there were whimsical details and ideas incorporated in creative ways to show them how much they love them? I don't know about you, but sometimes it's the little details that are my favorite! I love hearing people's engagement stories and hearing about EVERY detail. Yes, I'm that girl. Fortunately, this year some of my favorite people got engaged and I got to hear all about one of the best days of their lives. In fact, when you think about it, all you have to do is look around in order to see whimsical love. We have the most loving father anyone could ever ask for. He created things all around us to woo us and show us how much He loves us in quaint and creative ways. 

Today I am embarking on a 10 day journey to recognizing just how whimsical God's love is for us. I encourage you to do the same and leave comments with ways you saw God's whimsical love that day. I promise, this will be one of the best journeys you have gone on. Take time each day to remind yourself to simply be aware of the beauty around you. It could be something you see or something you feel. God works in different ways! 

Day 1:

This yellow bowl reminds me of the Lord's love in an interesting way. I made this a few years ago in high school art. I remember putting a chunk of blubbery clay on the pottery wheel and going for it. It was not turning out how I had intended at all but I kept going for it. The amount of times I messed it up was more than the amount of times I have had a sporadic dance party (and obviously that's just about every day). Then, when it came time to glaze it, I put a pink glaze all over. Obviously the clay had a mind of its own. I was disappointed at first then loved the way it had turned out. It now sits in my room as a reminder of the way the Lord loves me. I am so broken and so messed up but the Lord chooses to show me grace and makes me into something beautiful and useful. Sometimes, He changes our plans and directions because He loves us. I had a plan of how it should look and boy am I glad it did not turn out the way I had planned. 

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 2 Corinthians 4:7

Think about it...clay is basically dirt and sand that is made into a substance that can be fired. He takes something so dirty and broken, molds it, refines it in the fire, glazes it, and USES it. What a beautiful picture of the way He loves us. He sees the dirt and loves it enough to make it beautiful, despite its dirt and brokenness. 

Oh to be clay in the Maker's gracious and sovereign hands. He stands ready to craft you into something beautiful. Are you ready?