But God

I am inadequate, BUT GOD.....

For the first time in my life I have been homesick. These last few weeks my heart has ached to be back home in Madagascar. Recently I have been reading a new book on Madagascar I got for my birthday. It has literally brought me so much joy to read about the different reserves there and about their culture. Also, I have been reading over my journal I kept while I was there on a two week mission trip during this last Christmas break. 

Reading these journal entries bring me Joy when I read about the times when I got to hold lemurs and even have one fall asleep on my lap. This sounds crazy that something like that would bring me so much joy, but you have to understand the story behind all of this. Here's a blog post that explains a little more about my journey.There was also a journal entry when I mentioned some people coming to Christ and said, "The Lord has without a doubt gone before us and prepared the precious hearts of the people here...Can't wait to sit at the King's feet in praise with my Malagasy brothers and sisters." 

 My heart aches when I read "It is so sad to walk down the neighborhood slums while stepping all over trash. There are bush houses everywhere and people sleeping outside where flies cover them. Kids run around naked, sometimes chewing on random things they find around. The poverty is astonishing, but I feel like home." While it is sad to see some of these people in such destitution, I envy their simplicity. Christians there are less distracted and chase after the Lord with ALL of their heart. Their simplistic lives allow them to focus more on others than themselves. 

Then, I start laughing when I read "Can't wait to step off that plane and feel the reality of the Lord's perfect faithfulness. That is, if this tiny plane doesn't break haha...every sound makes us wonder" and things like "Imagine waking up to a loud cow bell at 5 in the morning, angry cats and dogs, roosters...and the guys talking." You have to love "That moment when the Madagascar hissing cockroach disappears..."


Here's a journal entry that I wrote the other day.

"Lately I have felt so homesick, Homesick for the land I love, homesick for the people that stole my heart before I even met them. I long desperately for the moment when I get to hand a new Bible to a new believer. I long for the absolute joy they will express when they have your precious word in their hands. I long to see the smiles on the faces-the smiles that can not be contained-smiles that are bigger than ever. I long to see them so moved by you that they can't help but cry tears of absolute joy, joy that they are found, joy that they are loved, joy that there is hope beyond their destitution, hope beyond their pain, hope beyond their desperate pleas through animism. I long to see their heavy chains that have held them in bondage for so many years shatter and fall to the ground in uncountable pieces. I long for the day when I get to see one of the hardest of hearts melted by your embrace. I long for the day when one of the women I will get to disciple will take others under her wing and love on them. I long for the day when revivals in Southern Mada bring thousands to their knees...Sometimes I feel so inadequate, but then I can't help but feel more powerful and equipped as ever because I know who goes before me. I know how faithful you are and how strong you are. Give me the courage to follow you step by step in this journey. I hope I get to write a book someday about how faithful you were in this process...I long for the day when people read that book and long for you more."

Recently the Lord has been calling me to write a book someday about my journey to encourage people by writing about the Lord's incredible faithfulness throughout all these years, beginning when He called me to be a missionary when I was just a child... and the journey has just begun! 

Philippians 1:6

"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you is faithful to bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." 

I am inadequate....BUT GOD

During that trip, it was so easy to compare myself to all those seminary Bible experts that seemed to have awesome answers and that knew their stuff. I remember feeling so inadequate and wondering if God could really use me there like He had promised. I don't know all the answers. I am not perfect. I struggle with a lot of things and have a butt load of weaknesses.  I felt like I had a long way to go before I could effectively witness. The funny thing is, I am inadequate. There is nothing in me that can change lives. I am not bold. I am not a Bible genius. I am not worthy of the calling, BUT GOD goes before me. The God that made me, the God that intricately made the universe, the God that crafted each cell in the world, the God that melted the hardest of hearts (Saul/Paul) and made him into one of the greatest evangelists Christianity has ever seen, and the God that is over angel armies goes before me and prepares the way. So yes, without God I am completely inadequate, BUT God, who is adequate goes before me to prepare the path and promises to never leave me. BE COURAGEOUS. Whatever you are going through right now, trust Him. He is adequate and is able to prepare us and prepare the way. He will never leave or forsake you. Hold His hand in absolute surrender, close your eyes, and enjoy the journey He is taking you on. 

Deuteronomy 31:8

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

Jealous For Me Part 2

Now that we know what righteous jealousy is, let's look at a story in the Bible where the Lord gave a beautiful example of His jealousy for His people. 

Has there ever been a time in your life where there seemed to be things you were missing out on by following Christ? Maybe you looked at friends who were not Christians and it seemed like maybe they were having more fun because they got to party and live without regrets? This is very similar to what the Israelites felt like after the Lord had rescued them from their oppression under the Egyptians. While it's easy to look back on the story in the Bible and stand amazed that they would turn from God after all He had just done for them, we do the same thing at times, don't we?

Even though they began to turn away from their Jealous God, He still lovingly pursued them by providing in miraculous ways such as the parting of the Red Sea, the cloud by day, the fire by night, the manna, the water that came from the rock, and a victory against the Egyptians. Even then, they rebelled against their leaders and began to sacrifice to other gods.

Deuteronomy 32:16-18

"They made Him jealous with their foreign gods and angered Him with their detestable idols. They sacrificed to false gods, which are not God-gods they had not known, gods that recently appeared, gods your ancestors did not fear. You deserted the Rock, who fathered you; you forgot the God who gave you birth."   

God became jealous that they were turning to other gods. The Israelites were His. He created them, He loved them more than anyone else ever could, He provided for them, and He had brought them out of slavery. He was rightfully jealous. Remember, His jealousy is righteous because they were already His, and it is out of love for them. Little did they know, the Lord was not going to let them turn away without a fight. Over and over again Moses pleaded to God on their behalf to forgive them. He did, but there were still consequences so that they would learn to follow their Maker. After pursuing them over and over again, He did what was ultimately best for them and did not allow them to enter the promise land. He would have loved to see them enter the promise land but because He was jealous for them He allowed affliction so they would learn to follow Him. While they were in the wilderness wandering around for 40 years, God continued to pursue them and provide for them in incredible ways. Even in their affliction the Lord loved on them and wanted their hearts. 

Even though the Israelites lost many battles and were often in distress, The Lord continued to show His jealousy. You see, God was too jealous for His people not to discipline them. Even in discipline He loved on His precious children, like a father sitting in time-out with his screaming child

. He showed them grace when 2 men, Joshua and Caleb, decided to trust God, while many people continued to turn away from their God. Funny how our culture tends to think God is against us when "bad things happen to good people," but He loves us too much not to allow trials to enter our lives to grow us and turn our eyes to Him.

Let me encourage you to open your eyes to the ways He is jealous for you. Sometimes He shows His jealousy through the sweet moments in life such as sweet friends, beautiful sunsets, and the creation all around you and sometimes He shows His jealousy by turning our faces to His radiant glory during trials. He loves you too much to let you live your life without hard moments which allow us to see His peace and goodness despite our sin and life-shattering trials. Even in those trials He is pursuing you in beautiful ways, such as the people around you, His Word, and ways He provides.