10 Things I Have Learned from my International Friends

It all started in the Fall of 2012, when I was simply looking for a job. I just needed something to help me pay for school so I went to a job fair and applied for our International Office on campus. There was an English tutoring position open, so I applied and got the job. To be honest, I have always thought about teaching English overseas in Madagascar, but really did not want to even though I knew I would be good at it. Now, I have fallen in love with teaching English and would love to do that overseas. What started off as a simple job became so much more over the years. Now, whenever people ask me what I do for my job, I tell them I basically get paid to make friends from all over the world all day (and help them with their papers and English). I had no idea how much God was going to humble me, change me, and impact my life through the people I work with and the students that have become some of my best friends. These people are without a doubt some of the funniest and encouraging people I have ever met. Here are the top 10 ways the international students have impacted my life:

1) They have taught me how to love my sweet Jesus more. 

This last year, I have had the opportunity to mentor two of the sweetest Chinese girls I know, Anna and Fiona. When I first started mentoring them, they were brand new believers eager to learn about their sweet Savior. I may have been their mentor, but they without a doubt teach me more. Through meeting with them every week, I have seen their eagerness grow. They have fallen in love with the Lord and are so excited to share what they have learned with people. One of my favorite memories from college was last semester right before summer, when  I asked what they were most excited about for the summer and they immediately replied they were most excited to share Jesus with their parents and close friends. This statement encouraged and challenged me more than they knew. What if that was always my answer to what I was excited about over break? I have also read countless papers these last couple of years about students' testimonies and got to have great conversations with them. 

2) The beauty behind learning a new language

My favorite Spanish phrase: I smell lies

To be honest, I was prideful toward other languages for most of my life. It annoyed me to hear languages I did not understand. Thankfully the Lord is faithful to change our hearts as I grew to absolutely love hearing other languages all around me while at work. Something God continues to challenge me with is the idea that if we only know one language, as Christians we will miss out on a lot of opportunities to impact people as well as share the gospel. Yeah, it's intimidating to learn a new language, but I get to be around people all day that have chosen to take away that obstacle and seek to learn a new language. Not only that, but many of them know more than a few languages!! I now have three languages I want (and will!) become fluent in: French, Portuguese, and Malagasy.

3) How to fall in love with culture

Culture: a word that brings me joy when it is simply spoken. Why? Because I have gotten to enjoy and learn about so many cultures these last few years. I have gotten to see God's creativity in culture, from food, to dances, to different phrases. I now have a passion for learning about culture and seeing different parts of the world. There is so much beauty in the world that I don't want to miss out on because I'm focused on myself. 

4) How to Salsa and Bachata

It all started when I made good friends with a lot of our Latino students this semester. During the international retreat, a DBU retreat for Americans and International students to interact, play games, and worship, there were a few impromptu salsa nights where we stayed up late learning salsa ("ummm I have to move my hips? How do you do that?" classic) and bachata from them and then taught them two-stepping. Those nights were some of my favorite DBU memories. It was so much fun to embrace their beautiful culture and be a part of that. We now go salsa dancing and have impromptu salsa nights. Also my mom may or may not call me "Picante" now... Then we all learned swing dancing together, which we go to every Wednesday night. A culture that loves to dance is clearly my kind of culture!! Last night we had another impromptu salsa night after a few of us went to watch our Latino friends sing at their church and that Salsa night soon turned into a Spanish Karaoke night. Goodness I love them.
5) How to invest in people you know won't be around for a long time

We tend to try to only invest in people we know will be around for awhile, and to be honest the first year or so that I worked in the International office it was hard to truly invest in students and become close friends, knowing they would soon be moving back to their country. They have taught me what it looks like to invest and love people well, even when you know they won't be here for long. The way they love me and invest in a friendship really challenges me. Now, I look forward to becoming close friends with the students. Does that make the goodbyes harder? Yeah, for sure, but is it worth it? Absolutely yes. The way they have impacted me has challenged me to be more intentional with roommates, even when they are only here for a semester, and everyone who I come in contact with that may not be a close friend. After all, that's what Jesus did. He knew he had a short time on the earth and used every minute of it to invest in people, disciple them, and love them really well. These students have been a reflection of Jesus.

6) Spanish music is wonderful

That's right, I have been hanging out with Latinos so much that I listen to Spanish music....all the time. You can thank Abraham, Dani, and Sebastian for that one. I may or may not be obsessed with the songs Bailando and Danza Kuduro. It's my first choice when we are in the car together. My Chilean roommate laughs all the time when she walks into the apartment and Spanish music is playing, especially when I am listening to a dirty song and have no idea...whoops...still learning haha. The other night, a few of us Americans and some Latino students went to eat and look at Christmas lights and we listened to Spanish Christmas music and it was basically awesome. 

7) How to cook wonderful food

Anna and Fiona have taught me how to make Chinese dumplings and my friend Adam has taught me how to make legit Mexican tacos. Yes please. I have gotten to try so many different foods over the years which has been so much fun! Then there was that one time they had me try a strong ginger sauce....we won't talk about that one. We have gone to Chinese restaurants for birthdays and I have loved every minute of trying new things with precious friends.

8) How to courageously embrace new cultures

This has been one of the most impactful things I have learned. Many students have come to the States and faced culture shock but still sought to embrace our culture and learn about it. They chose not to stick to their own culture, but courageously face the unknown and learn a new language and culture. They chose to leave their family in order to be obedient to the Lord. They chose to not take the easy way out and only talk to people who spoke their own language but fearlessly appreciate other cultures. I love seeing students talking to each other in a tongue that is not their own. This means so much to me since I will be moving to a new country, Madagascar, as soon as October of next year. Big changes are scary, but because of my Jesus and the way He has used these awesome international students, I can walk into a new culture courageously and embrace their language and culture eagerly. 

9) A glimpse of Heaven

Every year, I looked forward to going on the International Retreat DBU puts on. Throughout the weekend we have worship, and it is the most beautiful glimpses of Heaven I have ever seen. Over 50 cultures come together to worship the same God. In Heaven, everyone will be worshiping in their own tongue and it will be the most beautiful thing. I love that God consistently gives us a taste of what is to come. Many of my friends are absolutely in love with my sweet Jesus. 

10) Portuguese pick up lines

My Brazilian friends Wilson and Rodrigo

That's right... my Brazilian friends started off teaching me cheesy pick up lines in Portuguese. If you know me, you know I had too much fun with that. Cheesy pick up lines are definitely the best. Then, I learned random phrases that I could say to my Brazilian friends. They taught me some basics of Portuguese and I was able to put things together and have a small conversation in it. I don't exactly know why, but now I feel called to learn Portuguese and I am enjoying it so much. If you are a DBU student learning another language, I encourage you to come make friends with students in the International Office. They would love to teach you and practice their English as well! So here's to learning a new language. 

Even though I listed 10 ways they have impacted my life, this number does not even scratch the surface of the ways they have impacted my life. Looking forward to one more semester with you all and visiting you in your countries!!

Sometimes you are so white that you glow...

That one time we met Jesus...

Christmas lights with Latinos

Sometimes Purpose Looks Like Taking a Weird Picture and Following a Random Guy Down a Mountain

So there was that one time...
when we had 4 girls. One Honda Civic. 13 hours.
when we prayed our trip to CO would have purpose.
when we prayed God would give us opportunities to share the gospel.
when we prayed for the obedience to dive into those opportunities.

Little did we know.
Little did we know what kind of adventures were about to take place.

So, there we were, walking down downtown Denver. We looked up and saw a ridiculous mural on a tattoo parlor.of a little boy getting a tattoo and screaming. So, naturally I tell the girls that we should take a picture with it. Clearly that would be great. So there we were, trying to take a selfie when a friendly guy walked by and offered to take our picture. After taking several, he started talking to us and mentioned how he was one of the tattoo artists there. I saw some weird flowery tats on his arm and asked him if his tats had any special meaning behind them. He started getting really passionate as he explained they represented these different forms of positive energy. Then, he lifted up his sleeve to show us a giant Buddha face. Oh yeah, this is about to get interesting. He said he wasn't a Buddhist but liked a lot of there philosophies. We spent the next 30 minutes asking this guy questions and simply trying to understand him and where he came from. He mentioned that he grew up Catholic but his mom was bipolar and switched to wicken. He had been searching for truth his whole life and came to believe that there are many ways to God and that as long as you have positivity, you can get through life just fine and find your way to God.

After 30 minutes of us asking him questions and hearing about his past and learning about what he believed, it was time. I have never been so emotional when witnessing with someone, especially a stranger. Words passionately came out as I explained that "positivity" can only come through Jesus. I explained how much I personally need Him every single day and how I am never able to do things on my own or have that joy/hope without Him. I became really emotional while sharing with him because it was like I saw myself in him, without Jesus. I saw a person confused and searching for truth. I saw a person that tried to make sense of it all. I saw a person that desperately wanted to find hope. I wanted so badly for our new friend Stephen to experience the beautiful hope that we have. I wanted Him to see the earth-shattering truth that we have experienced.

I loved that we searched to understand him and took the lies he believed, which had glimpses of truth and take those glimpses and point him back to the gospel. We ended up talking to Stephen for over an hour in front of this tattoo parlor. By the end of the conversation, he said that we had given him some things to think about. Funny things happen when you pray for purpose.


The next adventure makes me laugh every time I think about it.
So we are almost to the top of this 13,000 ft mountain. We begin to trek through snow and get to the point where every footstep is carefully placed. Let me tell ya, we were riding the struggle bus for sure. So we look down only to see this guy RUNNING up the mountain in the SNOW with shorts on.... Ummmm....Ok.

He passes us saying, "it's just a workout" and keeps running. We met up with him when he ran back down and we ended up sitting on a ledge chilling with him and some old people who were frustrated that there was no "bloody sign" at the top to take a picture with. This guy's name is Austin and he's this 18 year old guy. He then decides to walk (run) back down the mountain with us because he "didn't have anything else to do" that day....that or he enjoyed hanging out with some older girls. Anyway, he's basically leaping down this mountain. We started talking about how cool God was and how powerful He is, that He would create the landscape around us.

So we are literally leaping down a mountain with this guy. Guess it's time to dive into one of those
opportunities we prayed for. We are running behind him, constantly trying to catch our breath while witnessing to him. He was really interested in Christianity and was asking a lot of genuine questions. Long story short, we were going to go to dinner with him since we didn't know the area. When leaving, he hauled out and we decided to take the safer route. But then we saw a moose in the distance and decided to be "those people" and stopped to take a picture. Who knew what kind of adventure that stupid moose would cause....

As we are driving down this two lane road we see a car bottomed out in the ditch, taking up an entire lane. OH MY WORD....are you serious? It was Austin. Poor guy tried to turn around because we had stopped to see that moose and his car rolled into the ditch. So we stayed there with him, looking like the damsels in distress on this log while he directed traffic. One of my favorite parts about this scene was watching the people as they drove by, looking horrified as they looked at the car then looked straight at us.


Side note- when life hands you
opportunities to put a cool vest on and direct traffic, you don't question it.

After the park rangers showed up, they questioned him and searched his car, thinking he was on drugs. Then they began to question these girls on the hill who are hyper and giggly, thinking we were high, but clearly we were just high on life. Then they proceeded to tell us their bear stories and tell us all the details of weed. No, sir, we do not want to know exactly where to get it and how many plants you can grow. Anyway, the girls thought about another way we could be Jesus to this guy, which was to help pay for his tow (I have some pretty cool friends, let me tell ya). We gave him money to help pay for his tow once he got the bill and he was so overwhelmed. He then immediately downloaded the Bible app and asked us how it worked.

We went to bed that night in a cold tent, laughing uncontrollably at the neat yet ridiculous opportunity we got to be apart of that day. Who knew? I don't tell you these stories to say, "hey look at us!" but I tell you these stories to show you how much the Lord can use us despite our brokenness when we simply pray for strength to seek purpose. Only our sweet Jesus could have orchestrated these conversations and crazy adventures. Clearly He has a sense of humor too! That stupid moose.

Please pray for Stephen and Austin. Pray the Lord will show them truth and break them so He is able to save them. Pray the Lord will love them in a special way this week. I truly believe the Lord is going to save these two guys and use them in crazy ways. How cool is it that He allows us to be apart of their salvation despite our brokenness?

This fall break I learned the importance of being on mission at all times and how beautiful adventures are when they have purpose. I'm learning the importance of not only praying for opportunities to live missionally, but for the obedience to dive into those opportunities. Wake up ever morning and pray that day will have purpose. You will be surprised at the adventures the Lord will take you on.

The Ultimate Invitation

What if we left 5 minutes early? What if we left early so we could accept the invitation? What if we accepted the invitation to truly live?

As a college student, I know how easy it is to wake up late, feel rushed, and leave for class at the latest possible time without being late. Let's admit it... we know exactly how long it takes to walk from our dorm/apartment to our class. 

College students are known for being rushed and late.

What if we opened the invitation to be different and set apart as we truly live?

What if we left 5 minutes earlier so that we could pray over our campus while we walked? What if we left early so we had time to stop and talk to a friend that simply needed to know we were there for them? What if we left early so we could focus on the present, rather than the destination? What if we left early so we could walk slowly and simply focus on the Lord? What if we left early so we had time to look around to see the ways the Lord wanted to woo us? What if we left early so we could spend time praying over our day and praying the Lord would give us opportunities where we were forced to have the option of showing someone grace? What if we left early for work so we could pray over the workplace that we would love the people we work with well and that the Lord would open hearts and eyes to His good news that day?  What if you dared to not allow your walk to class or work become monotonous? 

Here's another crazy thought....What if we decided to leave our phones in our pockets during our walk so that we could accept the invitation?

I will be the first to say that is hard for me. So often I will be walking to class with my phone in hand, looking up to see almost every other person with a phone in hand as well. It makes me sad that we are so quick to fill our precious time. Last Sunday, my pastor mentioned how we tend to suppress sin, suffering, and emotions with distractions such as our phone. I am guilty of this and am ready to open the invitation to spend my time wisely and truly live. It makes me wonder how many times my sweet Jesus tried to love and woo me, but my eyes were only focused on my phone. If you are reading this and see me walking around with my phone in hand consistently, please please call me out on that. 

Will you dare to accept the ultimate invitation today, or will you distract yourself from it?

"There is only one invitation it would kill me to refuse, yet I'm tempted to turn it down all the time. I get the invitation every morning when I wake up to actually live a life of complete engagement, a life of whimsy, a life where love does. It doesn't come in an envelope. It's ushered in by a sunrise, the sound of a bird, or the smell of coffee drifting lazily from the kitchen. It's the invitation to actually life, to fully participate in this amazing life for one more day... Turning down this invitation comes in lots of flavors. It looks like numbing yourself or distracting yourself or seeing something really beautiful as just normal." 

Bob Goff

The Phrase that Bothers me the Most in College

“The Real World”….a phrase that bothers the core of what I believe about life. A phrase that incessantly rings in your ear during high school and college. A phrase that hinders you from truly living. A phrase that discourages you from living with purpose. A phrase that depresses the idea of making a considerable impact while you are young. A phrase that advises you to reach the next stage quickly and implies importance only lies in the future and never in the present.

Our culture tends to view high school and college as a holding place for young adults who have not entered “the real world” and thus do not have an impact on the world. Yet, as Christians, we know the Lord loves to use youth over and over again. For example, God called David, a young boy to defeat Goliath, the giant that could not be defeated. Much like our culture today, people mocked him for thinking he was able to defeat him and serve his community. Instead of encouraging him, they told him to go back and tend to the sheep. You see, the Lord loves using young adults to impact people and culture in life-shattering ways, because sadly culture does not expect it.

It breaks my heart to hear the words “I can’t wait to graduate” because it shows they are not treasuring their time but believing their identity is fulfilled only in their future. Treasure every day and do not miss out on the purpose God has for you TODAY. Don’t miss out on the ways the Lord wants to use you to impact our culture TODAY. If you believe satisfaction lies in tomorrow, the cycle will never seem to end and you will never choose to use the time you have to love people, impact culture, learn new things, and most importantly, be obedient to what the Lord is calling you to do. If you waste your college years, believing life has not begun, I promise you that will be something you regret.

I am not saying the next stage in life does not look differently and does not contain more responsibilities and opportunities. Every stage in life is beautiful and looks different. I promise you the next stage in life is not filled with more life and fulfillment and more reality than the one you are in right now. The next stage is not more real than the one you are in right now. It is only different.

Christians, let me deeply encourage you to challenge others when they use the phrase “the real world”. Let me encourage you not to believe there is more importance in the next stage of life. Treasure every single day and impact the world around you in big ways. Don’t go through every day with the thought that you can’t wait to graduate and enter a world that has more significance. Live with significance every day. Love the people you work with deeply. Mentor people. Seek Jesus. Learn from others. Join a cause to serve your community. Write a book if you feel called to. Be a leader. Treasure the people God has put in your life. Serve your church. Wake up with the intentions to seek God faithfully, love Him, and to impact the people and culture around you every day. Set an example. Live with intention. Don’t miss out on the joy awaiting you today. Will you dare to use your gifts and talents to further the gospel and serve the people around you? Will you dare to live obediently to your calling as a Christian? Will you dare to set an example for youth in our culture? Will you dare to live with purpose today?

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and purity," 1 Timothy 4:12

Picture by:  http://www.760kfmb.com/story/25389863/skepticism-regarding-high-school-graduation-rates

Adventure is out there

My favorite life motto... "Adventure is out there." 

So much to this phrase, yet so much that's misunderstood.

I love adventuring. I love experiencing different smells, foods, cultures, experiences, and changes. There's something about exploring something new and joyfully embracing every sensation and detail it has to offer. There's something about fresh new journeys that open your eyes to the beauty of this diverse and creatively made universe that than our eyes will ever be able to see. 

I love that our generation is one of adventure-seeking. But, I see people all the time, including me at times, that seek adventure for the wrong purposes, such as finding satisfaction or bragging rights. It's almost like our culture tells us that if we do not seek traveling and adventuring 24/7, we don't have a life worth living. You are boring if you don't travel whenever you get the chance. You are boring if you do not post on Instagram every day of some new adventure. You are nobody if you do not do something extraordinary. 

If we find our satisfaction in adventuring, it will quickly fail us. Even if we got to travel the world, we still would not find satisfaction. That satisfaction in life only comes through Jesus. He is the only one that can deeply satisfy us. Not only do we find satisfaction in Him, but He is already satisfied with us. We do not have to have the approval of others or even ourselves. 

We tend to compare ourselves with each other as we adventure through our day. Comparison is the thief of joy. When we compare our current circumstances with others, that is when we lose that satisfaction; We take our eyes of the deep satisfaction we have in Jesus, and put it into comparing ourselves. 

So how do we be a lover of adventure but seek Jesus at the same time? I believe God created us to love adventure. But, I believe these adventures are to point us closer to the Creator and His creation, not our own achievements. How often do we put the focus on us accomplishing the journey, rather than the journey itself? Yes, I believe it is healthy to travel and experience new things, but adventure is so often misunderstood as only doing something extraordinary and far from home. But, the extraordinary is found all around us. I think adventure is found in the everyday things we get to experience. The problem is that we don't let those things become adventures. They are only monotonous duties or scenes to us. What if our point of view changed? What if we saw the things all around us as adventures? What if we changed our perspective when things go wrong and see them as new journeys? What if we experienced life to its fullest and saw seemingly monotonous things as adventures? What if we let Jesus show His glory through what we see as a common flower, simple sunset, simple conversation, and simple landscape. What if we allowed the Lord to open our eyes? If we allow Him to, our life transforms into one of pure, life-giving adventure.

Yes, I deeply enjoy new places, countries, languages, and scenery. I believe the Lord wants us to see His creation. I am a seeker of adventure. But, I want to use adventures to seek my Jesus. I used to think adventures were only found through traveling. Now, I know adventures are also in the everyday things. Adventures are found in the moments when you drive to the tallest hill in your neighborhood and watch the sunset. Adventures are found in starting a campfire when it keeps failing. Adventures are found in walking barefoot outside, experiencing the softness of the grass and the perfect breeze. Adventures are found in having a dance party in the pouring rain. Adventures are found in going for a walk and not focusing on a destination, but the exploration waiting for you. Adventures are found in listening to stories of friends from other countries and even friends that have lived in the same house their whole life. Adventures are found in laying in a hammock, getting lost in your imagination, while reading a book. Adventures are found in seeing things as if you had never seen them before. 

Adventuring is less about doing and more about experiencing.

This summer I have gotten to go kayaking (with the "occasional alligator"), camping, go to the lake, and others. But, my favorite adventures were found in the simple things that nobody else would have seen as an adventure, such as setting up our borrowed tent in the dark, while hanging up twinkle lights (a camping must) and attempting to start a campfire, and experiencing the water that splashes you while kayaking. Another one

was when it was pouring the whole day while I nannied, so we decided to go have a dance party in the pouring rain, and simply enjoy the moment. One of my other favorites was taking one of the girls I nanny to the flower nursery to simply marvel at the Lord's creativity and pure beauty. I don't think I have ever gone to a flower nursery without the intent of buying anything. My favorite part about it was hearing the 7 year old I nanny say, "Wow! Look at all these colors the Lord made. Aren't these cool?!" The key to adventure is allowing the Lord to open your eyes to see the adventures all around us, that we only see as monotony. True adventure creates pure delight in the Creator. Adventure is out there. Will you dare to see it?

A New Invitation

How many times do you aimlessly walk through creation without reflecting on His majestic creativity? How many times do you look at a tree and think it's just another tree, without marveling at it's strength and detail? How many times do you choose not to find the shapes in the clouds or see the faces in the tree bark, because you think that kind of creativity is merely for children who are too imaginative and not realistic? How many times do you pass up the invitation to truly live and marvel at life, only to aimlessly walk through a beautiful and wildly creative world, blinded and focused on the ground?  

Do you ever sit and day dream about God creating the beauty around you? I love asking people this and hearing the different perspectives. Some of my more analytical friends see God as an analytical creator who put time and effort into his majestic creation as He thought about each segment and how it would react with the rest of the world. When I think about Him creating things, I think about a creator who is giddy with excitement as He gets to be creative. I imagine Him with big eyes, picking out a color, texture, and scent for His creation. Then, I see Him squealing with excitement as He gets to choose each detail. I love that we reflect the image of God and get to see Him in different perspectives.

Will you accept the invitation to sit in awe of the little things? We live in a culture that tells us we must travel to another place, one that is beautiful and different, in order to see God's beauty. Yes, His beauty is found in those places, but we are so quick to put a blindfold on wherever we are.

Have you ever thought about the fact that the Lord delights in bringing us joy? Did you know that He created us to seek joy? The sad thing is, we often seek for the joy that only He can bring through other means.

How often do you see a shape in a cloud and point it out and move on, never thinking about it again? I would dare to say that He takes great joy in creating the clouds each day and takes joy in creating shapes out of them! Sometimes, I think He knows exactly who will take the time to look up, and creates a shape that will bring us joy and even laughter. If you don't believe we serve a God of child-like imagination, open your eyes and look around. Take time to look at the shapes in the clouds...they aren't by accident. I only wish I could sit by my king every day and watch His joy and laughter as He decides what kind of crazy imaginative shapes He can make in the clouds.

This is something the Lord has been challenging me with lately. I was first challenged to change my purpose behind my instagram account. It's so easy to use it for the wrong things, whether that's posting things for the likes, or the thought that if you don't post a picture, it didn't happen, or thinking that if you don't post a picture from an event that everyone and their mom posted, that you must not be a good friend. These are silly things that so quickly entangle us. Am I saying Instagram is some terrible thing that we should get rid of? Absolutely not, but I do think it was necessary for me, personally, to re-purpose my account. I was challenged to use it to capture seemingly monotonous things that we quickly do not recognize as beautiful. I am so quick to pass up the invitation to see the simple beauty in life and marvel at it. I am so quick to pass up the invitation to have a child-like faith and see God's humor and creativity in creation. 

The other day, I went hiking with a friend and we felt challenged to use it to simply take joy in the creation around us and to not quickly pass by aimlessly. This was such a life-giving experience as we saw the detail in the trails, including ombre leaves (He did it before it was cool...no big deal...), fields of flowers, detailed tree bark, massive trees, trees that had grown together to form a long tunnel to walk under, shiny shells by the lake, a clear and distinct

path, and my favorite- a face in tree bark. We saw the tree bark and stopped and stared at it, laughing and trying to make the face we saw. We kept walking, and had to go back to see it again and take pictures. We began talking about it and discussing how there's no way anyone had ever seen it and paid attention to it and how most likely the Lord made that face in the bark just for us, knowing that in years we would be walking that path, our eyes ready to see His beauty, and laugh at His sense of humor. That's what I love about my Jesus- not only does He care about the big things in life, but He takes the time to create faces in trees and shapes in clouds, because He's simply hilarious, imaginative, and joyful. All we had to do was open our eyes and be ready to receive joy abundantly. Are you ready to marvel at His beauty all around you with hands open, ready to receive that joy abundantly?  

How I See the Gospel through my Tonsillectomy

When you first read this, your initial reaction was probably something like, "Ok, this seems like a little bit of a stretch." The truth is, the gospel is so powerful that it stretches over every day of our lives, not just the day we become a Christian.

Taking my pain meds before writing this may or may not have been a good decision....

First of all, what exactly is the gospel? The gospel says that we are so sinful and so messed up beyond belief that someone had to DIE for us in order to make things right. But, we are so incredibly loved that someone ACTUALLY died for us!! It's the shattering truth that shows us not only how much we need someone to save us everyday, but that we have a God that loves us so much that He is willing to work on our hearts everyday and reminds us of the all-consuming grace He shows us every day of our lives.

The sad part is, we live in a culture that gets tired of hearing the gospel, because we believe the gospel is important for salvation and nothing beyond that. We get tired of hearing the gospel because we don't think we need it anymore. That was me until about a few years ago. Once I started going to Stonegate Church, the Lord gently opened my eyes to the many ways I misunderstood the beauty of the gospel. Then, by showing me the life-altering grace He shows me every day of my life and just how much I didn't deserve his love and grace, He wrecked my heart and showed me how the gospel is for every day of our lives. 

When the Lord put the idea of knowing Him more on my heart for my new year's resolution, I had no idea how hard but life-giving it would be. What started off as a few annoying tonsil stones early on turned into sickness after sickness, and ultimately a tonsillectomy this Thursday. The surgery is easy, the recovery is hard. 

Promises of the gospel:

• God is GREAT, so I don't have to be in control.
• God is GOOD, so I don't need to look for satisfaction elsewhere.
• God is GRACIOUS, so I don't have to prove myself.
• God is GLORIOUS, so I don't have to fear man.

God is great. Because I serve a God that is great and undoubtedly sovereign, as a Christian I get the opportunity to go into surgery without worry. Did I have worries and fears at times? Yes, but the Lord sweetly reminded me that because He is so much bigger, that I could trust Him. 

God is good. Boy, is this true. He is so sweetly satisfying. It is so easy for me to find my satisfaction in people and in friends and I love when the Lord takes me away from those things and refocuses my heart, even though it is painful at times. I have no choice but to find my satisfaction in my Jesus. I am in a lot of pain, at home, away from all my friends, and I can't even talk (I'm counting on the next time I play charades, because domination station is to come ha!). I can't even say a word. It hurts to swallow. It hurts to stay hydrated after painfully swallowing, only to throw it up. I am weak. Eating is hard. I'm so stopped up that most of the time is is hard to breathe. This may sound like a pitty party, but it is so much more. As hard as this has been, I am learning so much. I struggle with self-dependence and it is so humbling and so good to be at a place where I literally have to depend on my sweet Jesus just to breathe and swallow. I never thought twice about needing Jesus to help me do the most simple things like that. I am so thankful when He reminds me that I am just as dependent on Him today, as the day when I saw for the first time that I needed Him when I was 6. 

"Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God." 

2 Corin. 3:5

God is gracious. I spent most of my life trying to bring something to the table. Now, I realize he wants nothing in our hands when we come to Him, just hands that are stretched out to Him in utter dependence. Obviously, I have nothing to bring to the table right now. Especially since I can't even go to church on Easter. But here's the great thing, I get to worship my sweet Jesus even from my bed as I'm too sick to read and too sick to sing. My hands are open, and that's exactly how it should be. 

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 

2 Corin 4:16-18

God is glorious.The more I recognize how powerful my God, is, the more I trust Him and even love the things He is doing in my life, even when it's not fun. Here's what I love about being a Christian. Tonsillectomy recovery isn't something that I just have to get past then it will all be better. I get the chance to see how much the Lord is working in my life through this. I am thankful for the pain and the idols it easily uncovers. Does that mean I'm constantly happy and frolicking in my house? NO..... haha but I am so thankful for all that He is doing. There's meaning to this pain and there's a deeper love that I could ever have imagined. I no longer just pray for things to be easy and for an easy and fast recovery. I get to pray that my Jesus will continue to work in my heart, since that is the real depth behind all of this. 

Rocking the new style. I will most likely regret putting this bad boy up...

Just the fact I was just able to write this while tired and taking intense pain meds shows He is indeed graceful. It isn't easy or fun, but I love being reminded of this truth through Jesus and through friends during this time. 

He's a Funny One...

Whoever said God doesn't have a sense of humor hasn't read the Bible. 

One of my all-time favorite passages that makes me laugh every time is 1 Samuel 5:1-5. Five verses of pure humor and love. 

When the Philistines captured the ark of God, they brought it to the house of Dagon, their god. Dagon was an icon in their culture. He was their fish god and fertility god and was what they thought the second most powerful god in their culture. Little did the know, the real God was about to rock their world. They sat the ark right by their god. When the people woke up the next morning, they walked in (probably to worship Dagon) and Dagon was on the floor face down in front of the ark. So, they probably thought someone accidentally knocked him over, so they put him back in his spot. The next morning, they walked in the room only to see Dagon once again face down in front of the ark but with his hands and head completely cut off. They stood in awe, realizing the power of the true God and never went across the threshold again.

I have never been able to read this passage without laughing. Our God has such a sense of humor. I picture Him saying, "Oh, you wanna put that stone that you worship right next to me, the God of the universe, the God that made you? Ok, Ok, BOOM BABY. I just destroyed your wimpy little stone...what are you gonna say now?"

As funny as this is, I am so much like the Philistines in that I often worship the TRUE God, but so often will place God right by the idols of my life. I will still worship things in my life that I put before my God. So often, those idols in my life, such as a possession, friends, my own plans, and relationships often fall face down completely destroyed. I can't help but laugh when that happens because I am reminded how silly I am for trying to worship God as well as the stupid little idols in my life. Thankfully, He is gracious enough to destroy our idols since He loves us more than we can imagine. He is jealous for us. God isn't after a half-hearted worshiper, He is after a love affair that passionately consumes our desires, passions, actions, and thoughts. Are you placing your idols next to the living God? 

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze

If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols

Jerk the pews and all the decorations, too until the congregation's few, then have revival

Tell your friends that this is where the party ends

Until you're broken for your sins, you can't be social

Then seek the Lord and wait for what He has in store

And  know that great is your reward so just be hopeful

...

Shine the light on every corner of your life

Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open

Then read the Word and put to test the things you've heard

Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken

'Cause you can sing all you want to

Yes. You can sing all you want to 

You can sing all you want to 

And still get it wrong

Oh, worship is more than a song

We must not worship something that's not even worth it

Clear the stage, make some space for the One who deserves it

Anything I put before my God is an idol

Anything I want with all my heart is an idol

Any anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol

And anything that I give all my love is an idol

Jimmy Needham Clear the Stage 

Uncomfortable Grace

As beautiful as grace is, it can be more than uncomfortable at times, but it is still grace.

Out of obedience, they climbed into a boat and sailed off, only to be met by a massive storm. Their boat rocked back and forth and went nowhere for about 8 hours, no matter how hard these men tried to sail out. They painfully tried with all their strength for hour after hour, but everything was against them. They were discouraged. They were exhausted. They were terrified. They were uncomfortable.

Then, as they are sitting there, trying with all their strength to sail out of the storm and make headway, they see what seems like a ghost walking on the water. They cried out, only to find it was Jesus. Seeing how terrified these sailors were, Jesus told them not to be afraid. Then, like a father, entered into their pain with them and got into the boat and calmed the sea.

I'm sure the disciples were wondering where in the world Jesus was. The last time He was with them in a storm, He simply spoke and the storm immediately ceased. I'm sure they probably thought since He was not showing up, He didn't care about them and was not in control. Funny how we are the same, isn't it? Trials come and we immediately think Jesus isn't for us. We immediately think He must not care or He would have stopped our trial and made everything good again.

Jesus' reaction is full of grace and compassion. He doesn't tell them to suck it up. He enters in their pain with them. He crawls into their pain and loves them.

The disciples were doing exactly what they were supposed to do. Jesus had told them to get into a boat and go to the other side. Do you ever feel like you are obediently following your sweet Jesus, and storms come? In those times we are quick to think He is not showing grace; however, He is...He is showing uncomfortable grace.

Jesus placed them in a boat in a storm so He could produce in them what only He can: trust and dependency.

I can relate to the disciples in so many ways. For example, right now I know I am in the exact major the Lord wants me to be in. He has made that clear and I am walking in obedience. However, there is a class that is let's just say placing me on the struggle bus. It's frustrating and I don't always feel like my sweet Jesus is truly helping me. Does He care about something so little? If He cares, why is it such a struggle right now?

It's because he is teaching me dependency through uncomfortable grace. He is showing me grace because He loves me enough to let me struggle as He knows how important and life-giving dependency on Christ is, even when I struggle over and over again through self-reliance. Grace isn't always comfortable, but I am so thankful for storms that teach me the most life-giving things, even when I try to fix them myself before crying out to my sweet Savior.

So often, we are crying out for grace, not realizing we are covered in it. No, it's not the grace of ease and relief, but it's the grace we so desperately need. God is prying our hands open so the things that control us, such as self-reliance and the things that don't truly satisfy us fall freely out of our hands so we can truly grasp the satisfying saving grace of a sweet father that loves us beyond our
inadequacies.

"Grace will enable you to face shocking truths about yourself that you have hesitated to consider, while freeing you from being self-consciously introspective. Grace will confront you with profound weaknesses, and at the same time bless you with new-found strength. Grace will tell you again and again what you aren't, while welcoming you again and again to what you can now be. Grace will make you as uncomfortable as you have ever been, while offering you a more lasting comfort than you have never before known .Grace will work to drive you to the end of yourself, while it invites you to fresh starts and new beginnings. Grace will dash your ill-founded hopes, but never walk away and leave you hopeless. Grace will decimate your little kingdom of one as it introduces you to a much, much better King. Grace will expose to you the extent of your blindness as it gives you eyes to see what you so desperately need to see. Grace will make you sadder than you have ever been, while it gives you greater cause for celebration than you have ever known." John Piper

Are you experiencing uncomfortable grace right now? Our sweet Jesus uses it to develop in us what only He can. During that struggle, He enjoys being a father to us, as He gently and lovingly enters into our pain. Will you let Him in? He has the power to stop every trial, hurt, and heart ache with a single word, but that is not what is always best for us. He loves you enough to make things uncomfortable at times.

Mark 6:45-52

Yielding Inadequacies

If there's one thing I have learned about my sweet Jesus this month it's that He is adequate. I am not.
I used to think I was adequate. Now, I know I am not even close, but I serve a God who is. I serve a God that enjoys using the most inadequate people in the most illogical situations so that it is clear that He is the one that is adequate. 

Christ Shows His adequacy to change the world and do things beyond our imagination if we yield our inadequacy to Him.

While I knew I was not adequate, but He was, I lived as if I was adequate to do anything.

I will never forget sitting at a table on January 30th this year reading through Psalm 36. I got to verse 6-7, which says "How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house, and you give them drink from the river of your delights." That verse stuck out big time but I couldn't figure out why. Then, the word refuge stuck out big time but I couldn't figure out why. Little did I know, the Lord was about to blow my mind three minutes after reading this. After reading through this verse a few times, the Lord revealed to me He was calling me to work with prostitutes in Madagascar, and teach them the new trade of jewelry making, which has always been one of my favorite hobbies. Then, He started putting the puzzle pieces together. The coffee shop He has called me to start will not only sell the jewelry those precious ladies will be making, but will support the organization I now feel called to start, which will act like a place of REFUGE for those women. This refuge will be a place for these broken-hearted women and children to come to in order to be loved on. 
Ok, Lord. Mind blown. I remember thinking, "you mean you are not only calling me to start a coffee shop, but to start a new organization for prostitutes? That sounds great, but believe me, I am so inadequate for this. I have never even worked with prostitutes. How am I going to be able to understand the deep, crushing, hurt they have experienced? I am so inadequate."

Then, He simply responded, "Yeah, you are. But, I'm not."

I sat there at the table and started laughing. He sure does love taking the most inadequate people and using them. Not for their own glory, but for His, since it is clear in those moments where the strength comes from.

Throughout the Bible, God delights in taking the most broken  and inadequate people and using them to meet the needs of other people. 

One of my favorite moments in the Bible is when Jesus walks up to Matthew, the tax collector, in the midst of his sin and brokenness and calls Him to follow Him. He immediately follows Jesus as he is in awe that Jesus would walk up to one of the most hated men in the town and love Him enough, even in the middle of his sin. (Mark 2:13-17)

He is adequate despite of our brokenness and sin.

Another one of my favorite stories in the Bible is when Jesus narrows Gideon's army down from 33,000 to 300 to defeat an army of well over a 100,000 men. "The Lord said to Gideon, The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hands, lest Israel boast over me, saying 'My own hand has saved me'." That's like God telling me to lift an elephant. That's not logically possible. My scrawny arms would fall off before that was possible. (Judges 6)

He is adequate despite our doubts and  and inadequacy.

Then, there's the story of the young shepherd, David. David, the youngest of his brothers was delivering food to his brothers during a war against the Philistines, when He knew God called him to fight against the giant clothed from head-to-toe in thick armor. The king quickly replied, "You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him, for you are but a youth, and he has been a man of war from youth" (1 Samuel 17:33). When I think about David, I think back to my glory days (except not) back in high school, during basketball games. Every once in a while we would get switched during a pick and I would end up with Bertha, the Amazon woman....at the post position....pretty sure they planned that one. That was always terrifying. I feel ya, David. Once they agreed to let the little guy go against the giant, they started putting heavy armor on him. Knowing that he did not want to try this with his own strength, he took it off and proceeded to pick up stones to fight Goliath with. "You come with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied" (1 Samuel 17:45). Sometimes, I feel like a small shepherd boy with a few pebbles in my hand facing a world with a spear. 

He is adequate despite our pebbles and lack of strength.

"Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God, Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God" (2 Corinthians 3:4-5).

Have you yielded all of your inadequacies to God, so He can trade it in for His perfect and sovereign sufficiency? We are not adequate, but He is.

Why I Wear this Ring

In our culture, it is easy to be legalistic. It's easy to try to be self-sufficient. We try to gain the strength to keep promises and be "good people".

I looked up the history of purity rings and here's what it said:

“Purity rings really got their start in the 1990s when the Bush administration began promoting safe sex and STD/STI prevention/protection. "Under the Bush administration, organizations that [promoted] abstinence and [encouraged] teens to sign virginity pledges or wear purity rings have received federal grants. The Silver Ring Thing, a subsidiary of a Pennsylvania evangelical church, has received more than $1 million from the government to promote abstinence and to sell its rings in the United States and abroad.” 1What is a Purity Ring?It can be simple or it can be fancy. It can be cheap or it can be expensive. It does not matter. A purity ring is a ring that represents a promise, vow, commitment or goal to abstain from sex until marriage. Purity rings are typically worn on the left ring finger. It is significant, in the fact that it is the same finger on which a wedding ring is worn. It is to remind an individual their desire and goal to abstain from sex until marriage. Once marriage takes place, the purity ring is removed and replaced with a wedding ring" (http://www.purityringsonline.com/history-of-the-purity-ring). 

No, its not bad to promote the idea of saving sex until marriage. But, I think we are missing something. In our culture, we try to mask the root of problems by creating some sort of legalistic promise that we do our best to keep. 

When I got this ring many years ago, for me, at that time it was a legalistic issue of trying to be "really good" and doing my best to keep the promise I made. Now, it's so much more. I don't wear this ring to say, "Hey, look, I'm perfect and I have it all together", but I wear it as a physical reminder of how broken I am and how dependent I am on my sweet Jesus every day of my life. What I like about my ring is the heart in the center of the cross. This represents so much to me. It represents the fact that Jesus holds my heart, it represents the overwhelming grace my sweet Jesus has on me due to the cross, and it represents how satisfying my loving Jesus is.

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." -John Piper

God gives us commandments throughout Scripture but even more so, He is concerned with the heart. 

Many of us see Christianity as a duty-defined willpower of do's and dont's. God sees it as a passionate love-affair with our Savior.

In Mark 12:28, the legalistic scribes asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was. They were looking for something tangible to do or not to do. But, Jesus replied in verse 30 saying, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."

Love God with all your heart (to where it physically affects you). 

Love God with all your soul (with all that you are and with a driving passion).

Love God with all your mind (where it adds to everything you do and has an internal aspect of who you are that is then shown externally).

Love God with all your strength (and the totality of your life being dedicated to loving God).

Why is God more concerned with the heart than following a bunch of commands? Because the heart is our source of life (Proverbs 4:23). The heart contains the motives. When we are passionately in love with our Savior, we see how satisfying He is and it becomes easier to love Him deeply above all else. If you are anything like me, you are so dependent on Jesus that every day you need a physical reminder of how broken you are and how dependent you are on the grace of the cross. I am so dependent on Jesus that I need a physical reminder to pray that He will sweetly satisfy me that day.

I am so dependent on my Jesus that I have to ask Him every day to satisfy my heart and help me to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

"I realized that manageable, duty-defined, decision-oriented, willpower Christianity now seemed easy, and real Christianity had become impossible...That is supernatural. Now there was only one hope, the sovereign grace of God. God would have to transform my heart to do what a heart cannot make itself do, namely, want what it ought to want. Only God can make the depraved heart desire God."

                                      -John Piper

Grace is Where My Song Begins

                                                                       

Sometimes, Switchfoot says it best. 

"Economy of Mercy"

Sometimes, I like to think I have it all together. Sometimes I like to think that I can become a stronger Christian by pulling myself up by my boot straps and growing through sheer discipline. Sometimes, I like to think that I am where I am in my faith because of me. Sometimes, I like to think just maybe I can do it. Just maybe I can be strong enough. Just maybe I can deal with my own sin. Just maybe I can be independent. Just maybe I can be adequate enough for the next task ahead. 

Then, my sweet Jesus bends down and reminds me in my pride that it is through GRACE that I am saved. It is His GRACE that rescues me. It is only by His sweet GRACE that my life can be renovated and sweetly and radically transformed. 

I grew up often thinking I was pretty good, knowing I needed Jesus, but not living like it. 

If you are anything like me, you grew up in churches that taught we were commanded to share the gospel. If we didn't obey, then we were sinning. There is some truth to this. We are commanded to share the gospel, but the way it is taught in most churches is something to be done out of duty. One of the most life-changing things I have ever heard is something that my pastor, Rodney, shares with us almost every Sunday. He shares the grace of God with us. He often says,  "When grace becomes capital letters in our life, missional living becomes natural." Wait a second, you mean sharing the gospel can be NATURAL? It had always been a little scary....until now. When we realize God's great grace on our lives, it produces a great desire to tell your friends. When grace brings us to our knees and shows us just how much Jesus has done for us, how can we possibly not tell people out of our joy and thankfulness. 

If grace was currency, I would be the first one to use it. 

Why do we make Christianity into some kind of 10 step process to becoming a better Christian? We see blogs flooding facebook with titles with some number of things you need to do in your faith. A number of ways to become a stronger Christian. A number of ways to get a better prayer life or something like that. I think we do this, because it makes it easier. It's easier to write down a few steps and cross them off. It makes it easier to have a list of things we can do. It makes it easier to feel good about ourselves. Why is it so hard to just see His perfect grace and just love Jesus? I think it's because it's harder to just give up trying to DO things. It's harder to live by the Spirit because then, we can't be in control. But, when we became a Christian, we gave up every right to try to be in control. We gave up our life. We gave up trying to earn God's approval. But, we gained an abundant life. My mentor just posted a wonderful blog about our self-reliance in our Christian walk. If you are feeling challenged, read it here.

You see, after we give up our pride in trying to do things ourselves, things become so much simpler, as His yoke is light.  "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30 His yoke is easy because Christianity isn't a list of things you have to do, you simply get to love Jesus deeply. 

Growing in our faith no longer becomes this list of 25 things to do, but crying out to God to show us His grace and to help us to love Him more deeply. 

My two favorite words in the Bible are "But God."

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by GRACE you have been saved and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly placed in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His GRACE in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." Ephesians 2:4-7

Out of everyone I know, I am the most unsavable. If there's one thing I have learned this year about my sweet Jesus, is that He loves to save the most unsavable and redeem the most broken. I get to be a broken mess, saved by a perfect and redemptive God. I am the most undeserving of the gospel out of all the people I know. I am the most inadequate...But I serve a God who isn't.

Why my New Year's resolution is different this year

As I was thinking about what I wanted to have as my resolution this year, things like eating better, getting back into the habit of running, being more intentional with friends, and several other things popped up in my head. I'm definitely a visionary but I like to set goals that I know I can accomplish  but that are also challenging.

I sat there thinking, what will make this year different? If you are anything like me, you set these great goals but don't end up staying with it the whole year. Then, you screw up one time and get down on yourself. The Lord graciously challenged me not to make these surface level things my resolutions but to look at the core of the motives behind the them.

Then it hit me, the core is to know Jesus better.

"For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings..." -Philippians 3:8-10

The more I know Jesus, the more I will love Him.

The more I learn about His character, the more I am in absolute awe of the God we serve. I couldn't think of
anything else worth giving my life to. I want to learn more and more about His character this year. I want to dive into the Bible and not only read about Him, but study some of His character traits. We often throw around these traits like sovereign, omniscient, pure, holy, and others but do we truly know the depths of these meanings and not just a surface definition? The more I have learned about Him the more I have loved Him throughout my life.

"And He said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'"

                     Matthew 22:37

This verse gets quoted a lot but this year I want to study it and really understand the depths of this kind of love in this verse.

The more I love Him, the more I will want to take care of my body and treasure the people I am around.

For me personally, the more I love Him the more I will appreciate the body He has given me and will treat it like a temple. Instead of dreading going for a run, it will be a way I can show appreciation for what the Lord has given me and show appreciation for the fact that I have the ability to get up and go run. The more I love Him, the more I will want to eat the foods He created for us to eat. Eating very healthy will become more of a joy because it will be a way for me to show appreciation for what He has given us to eat. How often are we truly thankful for the beautiful natural foods He has prepared for us? I don't know about you, but I'm not nearly as thankful and appreciative as I should be. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's bad to eat a good chunk of brownie (If this was true then I would have been struck by lighting way too many times.....). God created sugar and wants us to enjoy it, but I believe it is to be enjoyed in moderation.

The more I love God, the more I want to treasure the wonderful friends He has placed in my life. The more I treasure them, the more gospel-based our friendships are and the deeper the conversations. I would love to be better about writing letters to friends this year so that it shows I treasure them enough to go out of my way to write something and send it through the mail to them. That's one thing I would love to bring back from childhood. Also, the more I love God the more I want to serve my roommates and friends and serve them without expecting anything in return. I want to serve them as a picture of how Christ serves us. We worship a God who was worthy of praise but came to earth not to be served, but to serve (Matt 20:28).

Please don't get me wrong, I am not saying it's wrong to have great resolutions like losing weight, eating better, and working out. This is just something the Lord was challenging me with and I wanted to use it to encourage you all and also to have accountability on my part. I would love for you to ask throughout the year what I have learned about God and how I know him more. Even if you aren't close friends with me it would mean the world to have people around asking me that question. Not only would I love the accountability, but I would love to share what I'm learning about Him.

Here's the funny thing...I am so incredibly broken and sinful that I can't even know and love Him on my own. I have to humbly ask for the desire to truly know Him. I have to ask for the diligence to not only be in the word, but to study it. I have to ask the Lord to graciously open my eyes and remove my self-love. This righteousness does not come from myself or my resolutions, it comes from faith in Jesus and His power.

After all of this had been going through my head, I went to church this morning to hear a phenomenal sermon about numbering our days. My pastor, Rodney, mentioned that according to Psalm 90 we will not be able to number our days until we truly understand the nature of God, the nature of man, and the problem of sin. I want to remember how fleeting my life is and realize I am but a vapor. Why? Because at the end of my life I don't want to look back at all the things I accomplished for nothing. I want to deeply know Jesus. I want to deeply know Jesus so I can passionately love Him and love others.

"Your sweep them away as with a flood; they are like a dream, like grass that is renewed in the morning: in the morning it flourishes and is renewed; in the evening it fades and withers."   

Psalm 90:5-6

"The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever."

                                                                        Isaiah 40:8