How I See the Gospel through my Tonsillectomy

When you first read this, your initial reaction was probably something like, "Ok, this seems like a little bit of a stretch." The truth is, the gospel is so powerful that it stretches over every day of our lives, not just the day we become a Christian.

Taking my pain meds before writing this may or may not have been a good decision....

First of all, what exactly is the gospel? The gospel says that we are so sinful and so messed up beyond belief that someone had to DIE for us in order to make things right. But, we are so incredibly loved that someone ACTUALLY died for us!! It's the shattering truth that shows us not only how much we need someone to save us everyday, but that we have a God that loves us so much that He is willing to work on our hearts everyday and reminds us of the all-consuming grace He shows us every day of our lives.

The sad part is, we live in a culture that gets tired of hearing the gospel, because we believe the gospel is important for salvation and nothing beyond that. We get tired of hearing the gospel because we don't think we need it anymore. That was me until about a few years ago. Once I started going to Stonegate Church, the Lord gently opened my eyes to the many ways I misunderstood the beauty of the gospel. Then, by showing me the life-altering grace He shows me every day of my life and just how much I didn't deserve his love and grace, He wrecked my heart and showed me how the gospel is for every day of our lives. 

When the Lord put the idea of knowing Him more on my heart for my new year's resolution, I had no idea how hard but life-giving it would be. What started off as a few annoying tonsil stones early on turned into sickness after sickness, and ultimately a tonsillectomy this Thursday. The surgery is easy, the recovery is hard. 

Promises of the gospel:

• God is GREAT, so I don't have to be in control.
• God is GOOD, so I don't need to look for satisfaction elsewhere.
• God is GRACIOUS, so I don't have to prove myself.
• God is GLORIOUS, so I don't have to fear man.

God is great. Because I serve a God that is great and undoubtedly sovereign, as a Christian I get the opportunity to go into surgery without worry. Did I have worries and fears at times? Yes, but the Lord sweetly reminded me that because He is so much bigger, that I could trust Him. 

God is good. Boy, is this true. He is so sweetly satisfying. It is so easy for me to find my satisfaction in people and in friends and I love when the Lord takes me away from those things and refocuses my heart, even though it is painful at times. I have no choice but to find my satisfaction in my Jesus. I am in a lot of pain, at home, away from all my friends, and I can't even talk (I'm counting on the next time I play charades, because domination station is to come ha!). I can't even say a word. It hurts to swallow. It hurts to stay hydrated after painfully swallowing, only to throw it up. I am weak. Eating is hard. I'm so stopped up that most of the time is is hard to breathe. This may sound like a pitty party, but it is so much more. As hard as this has been, I am learning so much. I struggle with self-dependence and it is so humbling and so good to be at a place where I literally have to depend on my sweet Jesus just to breathe and swallow. I never thought twice about needing Jesus to help me do the most simple things like that. I am so thankful when He reminds me that I am just as dependent on Him today, as the day when I saw for the first time that I needed Him when I was 6. 

"Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God." 

2 Corin. 3:5

God is gracious. I spent most of my life trying to bring something to the table. Now, I realize he wants nothing in our hands when we come to Him, just hands that are stretched out to Him in utter dependence. Obviously, I have nothing to bring to the table right now. Especially since I can't even go to church on Easter. But here's the great thing, I get to worship my sweet Jesus even from my bed as I'm too sick to read and too sick to sing. My hands are open, and that's exactly how it should be. 

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 

2 Corin 4:16-18

God is glorious.The more I recognize how powerful my God, is, the more I trust Him and even love the things He is doing in my life, even when it's not fun. Here's what I love about being a Christian. Tonsillectomy recovery isn't something that I just have to get past then it will all be better. I get the chance to see how much the Lord is working in my life through this. I am thankful for the pain and the idols it easily uncovers. Does that mean I'm constantly happy and frolicking in my house? NO..... haha but I am so thankful for all that He is doing. There's meaning to this pain and there's a deeper love that I could ever have imagined. I no longer just pray for things to be easy and for an easy and fast recovery. I get to pray that my Jesus will continue to work in my heart, since that is the real depth behind all of this. 

Rocking the new style. I will most likely regret putting this bad boy up...

Just the fact I was just able to write this while tired and taking intense pain meds shows He is indeed graceful. It isn't easy or fun, but I love being reminded of this truth through Jesus and through friends during this time. 

Uncomfortable Grace

As beautiful as grace is, it can be more than uncomfortable at times, but it is still grace.

Out of obedience, they climbed into a boat and sailed off, only to be met by a massive storm. Their boat rocked back and forth and went nowhere for about 8 hours, no matter how hard these men tried to sail out. They painfully tried with all their strength for hour after hour, but everything was against them. They were discouraged. They were exhausted. They were terrified. They were uncomfortable.

Then, as they are sitting there, trying with all their strength to sail out of the storm and make headway, they see what seems like a ghost walking on the water. They cried out, only to find it was Jesus. Seeing how terrified these sailors were, Jesus told them not to be afraid. Then, like a father, entered into their pain with them and got into the boat and calmed the sea.

I'm sure the disciples were wondering where in the world Jesus was. The last time He was with them in a storm, He simply spoke and the storm immediately ceased. I'm sure they probably thought since He was not showing up, He didn't care about them and was not in control. Funny how we are the same, isn't it? Trials come and we immediately think Jesus isn't for us. We immediately think He must not care or He would have stopped our trial and made everything good again.

Jesus' reaction is full of grace and compassion. He doesn't tell them to suck it up. He enters in their pain with them. He crawls into their pain and loves them.

The disciples were doing exactly what they were supposed to do. Jesus had told them to get into a boat and go to the other side. Do you ever feel like you are obediently following your sweet Jesus, and storms come? In those times we are quick to think He is not showing grace; however, He is...He is showing uncomfortable grace.

Jesus placed them in a boat in a storm so He could produce in them what only He can: trust and dependency.

I can relate to the disciples in so many ways. For example, right now I know I am in the exact major the Lord wants me to be in. He has made that clear and I am walking in obedience. However, there is a class that is let's just say placing me on the struggle bus. It's frustrating and I don't always feel like my sweet Jesus is truly helping me. Does He care about something so little? If He cares, why is it such a struggle right now?

It's because he is teaching me dependency through uncomfortable grace. He is showing me grace because He loves me enough to let me struggle as He knows how important and life-giving dependency on Christ is, even when I struggle over and over again through self-reliance. Grace isn't always comfortable, but I am so thankful for storms that teach me the most life-giving things, even when I try to fix them myself before crying out to my sweet Savior.

So often, we are crying out for grace, not realizing we are covered in it. No, it's not the grace of ease and relief, but it's the grace we so desperately need. God is prying our hands open so the things that control us, such as self-reliance and the things that don't truly satisfy us fall freely out of our hands so we can truly grasp the satisfying saving grace of a sweet father that loves us beyond our
inadequacies.

"Grace will enable you to face shocking truths about yourself that you have hesitated to consider, while freeing you from being self-consciously introspective. Grace will confront you with profound weaknesses, and at the same time bless you with new-found strength. Grace will tell you again and again what you aren't, while welcoming you again and again to what you can now be. Grace will make you as uncomfortable as you have ever been, while offering you a more lasting comfort than you have never before known .Grace will work to drive you to the end of yourself, while it invites you to fresh starts and new beginnings. Grace will dash your ill-founded hopes, but never walk away and leave you hopeless. Grace will decimate your little kingdom of one as it introduces you to a much, much better King. Grace will expose to you the extent of your blindness as it gives you eyes to see what you so desperately need to see. Grace will make you sadder than you have ever been, while it gives you greater cause for celebration than you have ever known." John Piper

Are you experiencing uncomfortable grace right now? Our sweet Jesus uses it to develop in us what only He can. During that struggle, He enjoys being a father to us, as He gently and lovingly enters into our pain. Will you let Him in? He has the power to stop every trial, hurt, and heart ache with a single word, but that is not what is always best for us. He loves you enough to make things uncomfortable at times.

Mark 6:45-52